


To Bother

by TooOceanBlue



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Princess Bride AU, blatant misuse of dnd canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:14:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 38,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25092955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TooOceanBlue/pseuds/TooOceanBlue
Summary: “I’ll be back soon,” Lup had told her brother, holding him tight on the harbor. She’d always had a knack for straying from the plan. Taako received the news of his sister’s death two weeks later, her ship downed by the Dread Pirate. He didn’t leave his room for days. When he could finally bring himself to eat again, he did the only thing he and Lup had ever seemed to do. He swept his aunt’s spellbooks into a bag of holding, and he left.Blupjeans Princess Bride AU that got a bit out of hand.
Relationships: Barry Bluejeans/Lup, Kravitz/Taako (The Adventure Zone), Lup & Taako (The Adventure Zone)
Comments: 102
Kudos: 144





	1. The Twins

**Author's Note:**

> Huge thanks to capitalnineteen for proofreading! Without them this would be much more of a mess! Other than that, I'd like to say this is incredibly self indulgent. Enjoy!

Once upon a time (long before stories began that way) a set of twins were born. They were beautiful, with thick, shining hair and warm skin, but beauty isn’t always enough. They were born to parents absent, and so were passed along. A farm of their grandfather’s that they were too young to work on before he passed away, an uncle, a long road to their cousin, their aunt.

They were fifteen when they finally made it to her, bony and hungry in a way she found unacceptable. Suddenly they had food on their plates that they didn’t make themselves, warm beds of their own, kindness from someone who had time to be thoughtful about it. She taught them to cook. She taught them  _ magic.  _

Books lined the walls of her small home. A pointed, broad-brimmed hat sat atop her head. Their auntie was a wizard in the fairest sense, and Taako and Lup took to the same studies with an almost prodigious ease. Their life seemed big, for the first time they could recall, as Lup took to evocation to light up the sky and Taako learned transmutation to make wrongs  _ right. _

And then, quite suddenly, their life again seemed very, very small.

Their aunt passed away when they were seventeen. Their lives were not quite as hard with the gifts she had left them, her home and her talents, but it was not a life they were built for. 

They discussed it for days, argued at times, consoled at others. It all came to a point with Lup earning passage on a ship to the western continent, where she would find the most profitable work. Taako would stay,  _ stay, for the first time in his life,  _ for the next four months until he would leave to study at his accepted school of magic. They would find one another within the year, and with their combined talents, they would take on the world. 

“I’ll be back soon,” Lup had told him, holding him tight on the harbor.

“You’d better be.” He’d said back.

She had always had a knack for straying from the plan.

Two weeks later, Taako received the news that her ship had fallen to the Dread Pirate Roberts. No survivors were taken. 

Taako did not leave his room for days. He did not eat. He did not sleep. Then, after a week, Taako did the only thing he had ever done. He swept his aunt’s spellbooks into a bag of holding, and he left.

-

The Prince of the Kingdom of Phandalin was peculiar. That was whispered on the streets during his reign and noted in historical accounts for decades after. He was plenty friendly, and beautiful too, and for a prince that  _ is  _ enough. Enough to live a good life, enough to keep his kingdom prosperous. A powerful dark magic and an ambitious governor at his side should have been  _ more  _ than enough. 

Unfortunately his people didn’t seem to agree, and so neither did his court. There were revolutions already along the border, and even so far in as Raven’s Roost. That one had been squashed, of course, by Governor Kalen, but it left the court out of ease. Prince Brian’s people needed a distraction, they insisted, and so he needed a groom.

Not just any groom, of course. Another prince would usually be sufficient, but with most of the war coming from his own kingdom, his court suggested a more recognizable face. Most commoners would not care for a royal marrying another royal, seeing it as an even stronger grip on their kingdom. A commoner, someone more like them, would placate them better, though not someone so much like them that the wedding would not be glamorously distracting from the discontent in his kingdom. A celebrity then.

Taako had become that, in his time on the road. His recipes were far too good to keep to himself, the little evocation he had picked up from Lup too breathtaking to remain in spellbooks. So he traveled, shared his recipes and his talent, and made enough to get by. His name, slowly but surely, had become a household one, his cookbooks packing shelves across the country. Sizzle it Up With Taako had become famous.

It was a show in the capital square which made the prince decide on his groom. 

He had been observing the spiders on his balcony when a commotion had gradually gathered below. He turned to Governor Kalen questioningly, who explained who Taako was. The two sat patiently, watching the streets slowly fill before a large caravan, excited people gathering around if only to catch a  _ peek  _ of the famed chef. Even the prince’s own head chef scurried out of the castle, clutching her copy of  _ Sizzle it Up With Taako- At Home!  _

Brian watched the crowds, the enchantment and delight they exuded before their charismatic host, and he decided. By the time Taako’s show ended, Brian had sent a courier and a private carriage his way.

What he received in return was a curt,  _ no thanks- Taako _ , scrawled in purple ink at the bottom of his summons.

Well, that simply wouldn’t do.

Taako left the city that night, back on the road for his show. He didn’t like staying in one place very long anyway, and he knew denying a royal summons could potentially land him in a dungeon if he had managed to piss off the right royal. So he headed out, quickly and quietly, cutting the autographs short. A shame really. People in the capital were wealthier than most, more willing to spend petty coin on merchandise.

Unfortunately it seemed he hadn’t fled town quite soon enough. He slowed his wagon to a halt.

“Not often you see a King riding a giant spider,” he said dryly.

“Oh, it's prince dear, don’t be so formal.”

“What do you want?” Taako figured Brian’s offhand comment was enough to do away with formalities altogether. A dark forest path wasn’t really the place for them anyway.

“You are a showman, yes? I have a bit of a ‘gig’ to offer you in the capital, so to speak.”

Taako leaned back in the driver’s seat. “Sorry, just did a show there.”

“Yes, well, this would be something a bit more...permanent.”

“Traveling Chef is part of my brand, you know.”

Brian seemed delighted. “Ah, yes I am well aware of your brand! I understand how important public image can be, which is why I am here,” Brian hopped off his spider with a quick pat to its head, and strode over to Taako’s caravan, as close as they could be to face to face with Taako sitting in the driver’s seat. “I would like to offer you my hand in marriage.”

Taako almost laughed. “Uh, that’ll be a  _ no  _ my dude, got places to be, hearts to break and all that jazz. Not really the  _ lover  _ type.”

It was Brian’s turn to laugh, a quiet chuckle with an amount of genuine jubilance that set Taako on edge. “My dear, you misunderstand. I am not looking for a lover, just a distraction for my subjects, hm? Touchy things, you understand. You have fans? It’s much the same I imagine.” He smiled good-naturedly. “The engagement itself could last years, if the marriage is your concern. Provided you stay in the capital, make a public appearance at my side now and again, make the people happy. You’re every desire will be attended to, besides that.”

Taako remained silent.

“Of course, you are free to say no, but I’d have to kill you. Must maintain respect for the crown and all that,” He shook his head mournfully. “It seems like such a waste though.”

Taako considered declining the offer for much longer than any man who wanted to live had any right to. He looked to the sky through the trees, a deep, dark endless blue- the color of a storm at sea. Finally, he sighed, and held his hand out to the prince below him. “Fine, Spider-freak. Take me back to the castle.”


	2. The Rebels

The engagement did in fact last years. Long enough for word to spread thoroughly through the kingdom, which was of course Prince Brian’s intent. Every public appearance, every published love letter, every wedding planner hired brought an impatient hum to every town, enough of a distraction to sate the entire kingdom. 

Taako didn’t have to do much.

Most of his time was spent alone, practicing spellwork in his room or out riding Garyl- a beautiful white stallion that had been granted to him as an ‘engagement gift’. The latter made him feel like he was traveling again. If he closed his eyes on a particularly long ride he could almost hear a second voice besides him.

Besides that, his pre-royal duties consisted mostly of falsifying words of affection to the royal scribe and public appearances. They had been almost daily at first, but as the engagement expanded they became weekly, then monthly, per the excuse that they had a wedding to plan. Taako was more than fine with that. Brian was tolerable enough. At the very least it was entertaining to try to hold in hysterics when Brian said some particularly crazy shit. But it felt wrong to link his arm through that of someone who wasn’t his sister. It felt horrible to turn to his side and see- not her.

So he was fine, when the publicity diminished a bit, even if it meant he was more bored than usual. He spent time in the kitchen, sometimes, baking experimental wedding cakes or just making the food that he missed- not that Ren wasn’t a fine enough cook herself. She ran her own establishment even, outside the palace kitchen, and was plenty popular for both. She even helped him in the kitchen sometimes, once she had evolved past the phase of hanging on his every word. But even that-

There was a hole, okay, and it felt wrong to see people standing where  _ she _ should be. He’d rather be out alone, riding, where he could ignore it.

Taako rode out as far as he could on days like these. Garyl never tired, and Brian didn’t much care as long as he was where he needed to be when he needed to be there. So he was deep in the woods along the shore when he came across the three men in his path. It reminded him of the day he met Brian. Taako held onto his reins tightly.

The first man was very handsome, the setting sun shining through the trees to further highlight the structure of his face even behind the dark, decorative mask he wore over his eyes. He wore dark clothes, a small lute resting on his hip. The second man was taller and broader than anyone Taako had ever seen, unruly sideburns framing his face. The third man was terribly unassuming except for his company. He was slightly smaller than the second man, and much softer. Taako did not miss the bone-white wand at his hip.

“Excuse me,” the first man said. “We are traveling showmen, but we have become a bit lost. We were told there was a town nearby.”

Taako snorted. “Uh, that one’s no dice my dude, there’s no one for miles.”

“I see,” the first man began, “Then there is no one around to hear.”

“Come again?”

“Still,” he continued quickly, “I ask you not to scream.”

That was the last thing Taako remembered. The man ran his thumb along the lute at his hip, and the darkness came.

-

Taako woke to the sound of water. For a moment of swirling association, he thought he was with Lup, on her final journey,  _ together, not her final journey.  _ Then he heard the voices.

“I’m not...crazy about this.” The large man said.

“We don’t have to kill him,” The unassuming one assured.

“But isn’t it still, like...an act of war?”

There was a sound like ropes and sails. “The prince has committed plenty of acts of war against his own people,” The handsome man said. “It serves him right.”

There was a darker edge to the large man’s voice now, though he still sounded hesitant. “But this guy though,” he nudged Taako with his boot. It took everything he had not to smack his leg away. “Isn’t he just like...a chef or something? Should we really be roping him into this?”

There was an impatient sigh from the handsome man. “This is our  _ job  _ Magnus. If the prince won’t negotiate for the sake of his own subjects, we can bribe him with the man he loves. Like Barry said, we don’t have to kill him. It would be preferable that we don’t, actually, as long as the prince cooperates.”

“Sure, Kravitz,” Magnus seemed to be conceding, but did not sound happy about it. There was another sound from the ropes and sails. “Maybe we should stop talking about his death like it's a negotiable thing, in case he wakes up.”

“He’s already awake,” Barry said plainly.

“What?” from Magnus and Kravitz.

“What?” From Taako, who sat up sharply to glare at Barry. “And how did you know that, Bluejeans?”

Barry shrunk back, seemingly intimated to the half-unconscious man on the floor of the boat. “Uh, you’re breathing- you’re, uh. You were breathing fast.”

“Sure I was. And I’m sure it had nothing to do with your creepy bone magic.”

“Uh,” Barry’s hand went to his wand self-consciously.

“Yeah, don’t think I didn’t see that-”

“Lord Taako,” Kravitz interrupted. “Can we  _ not _ ?”

“Oh, can we  _ not  _ kidnap me? Can we not do that?”

“This is necessary. I promise you you will come to no harm as long as your betrothed cooperates.”

“You know-”  _ He doesn’t love me.  _ Taako almost said.  _ So he’s definitely not gonna give up whatever you want just for my hide.  _ Instead he said “-he’s gonna be  _ pissed  _ when he finds out who took his fiance. He won’t give you money or whatever, he’s just gonna kick your ass and save me himself. You know he’s got like, a million giant spiders for a reason-” Taako saw Magnus seize up at the mention of spiders, so he locked eyes with him specifically. “You should probably turn back now and I’ll just tell him I got lost on my ride or something.”

“Uh, Kravitz,” Magnus started.

“No.” Kravitz was glaring at Taako now. “Your highness, we will not allow harm to come to you if we can help it but we will  _ not  _ be swayed by petty bluffs. I don’t care how much your fiance loves you, he will not take on the Raven Crown if he can avoid it. If he has any sense.” Kravitz turned away to adjust the sails again. “It is in your best interest to cooperate.”

Taako knew of the Raven Crown. It was the ruling party of Astria, a Kingdom to the south of Phandalin. Taako had thought these were independent mercenaries, devoid of uniform or order as they were. If these people worked for the Crown…

“ _ I’ll  _ cooperate fine,” Taako said, “It’s my beloved fiance you have to worry about. If he wants to go to war it's no skin off my back, and I promise you that the soldiers his governors draft will be no skin off his.”

“That’s the fuckin problem,” Magnus was standing now, his unencumbered size nearly blocking out the sun. His eyes burned in its place. “He just wants to send soldiers, and civilians, and  _ bombs-”  _ He breathed out slowly through his nose. “We’re not gonna let that happen. That’s not what’s gonna happen.”

Barry stood up as well, putting a placating hand on Magnus’ arm. Magnus put his hand over Barry’s and sat back down, facing away from the trio. His body was tense. “Whatever. Kravitz, just- shut this guy up.”

Kravitz didn’t have to. Taako was quiet on his own. He had seen the look in Magnus’ eyes. He recognized the rage and the  _ grief.  _ He knew better than to poke a wounded bear. The bear didn’t deserve it.

Instead, Taako sat at the bottom of the boat, and waited. 

-

“Um, Kravitz?” Barry asked eventually. They’d been sailing all night, and it was very near dawn now.

“Yes?”

“Um, we’re not expecting to meet anyone, right?”

“No,” Kravitz’s brow furrowed. “Why?”

“Well, uh, it’s just that somebody seems to be following us.”

The four men turned around quickly, and in fact, there was a ship in the distance. It was small, and nearly invisible against the black water and the black night, but it was there, gaining ever so subtly.

“Inconceivable,” murmured Kravitz. 

Taako forced out a laugh. Something about the ship filled him with a dread even worse than that caused by his current company. He did not know why. But it was never good to show fear before the enemy, so he laughed instead. “Probably Brian with those goth fuckin sails.”

“ _ No,”  _ Kravitz insisted. “It couldn’t be. It would have been an hour at least, before anyone from Phandalin realized you were missing, and no one could have caught up to this boat so quickly.” Still, he quietly gestured to Magnus to help him adjust the sails. “They’re probably some sailor, out for an early morning joyride.”

“Along the Cliffs of Insanity?” Barry asked dryly.

“Yes,” Kravitz answered, “Because there is no conceivable way they could be following us.”

The ship grew closer.

“Head for the steepest part of the cliffs.”

“I am,” Magnus answered, strong arms directing the sails.

The ship quickly docked against the rocky shore. Kravitz jumped out quickly, and Magnus picked up Taako.

“ _ Excuse me _ ,” Taako hissed.

“Oh, uh. Sorry, um,” Magnus slung Taako over his shoulders. “Here.”

“Absolutely not, put me down!”

“Kravitz,” Magnus called.

“I’m on it.” Kravitz released the thick rope hanging from the side of the cliff and strode over to Taako and Magnus with a smaller rope in his hands. He quickly bound Taako’s arms and legs, held still by Magnus despite Taako’s struggles.

“Your highness-”

“Don’t ‘your highness’ me, Bones, you’re my fucking kidnappers.”

“They’re getting closer.” Barry said.

The four turned back to the ship for just a beat before Kravitz spoke again. “Time to load up.”

Quickly, Kravitz, Barry, and Magnus set to work. Magnus readied himself at the rope in front of the cliff, Taako still slung over his shoulders. Kravitz and Barry tied themselves to Magnus’ waist.

And then he began to climb.

When Magnus was small, he was no bigger than anyone else. The only thing that distinguished him, in fact, was a tendency to get into fights he couldn’t win. But that in itself was a remarkable skill, because if you kept fighting, and kept fighting, and kept fighting long past when anyone else would, eventually you got stronger, and eventually you started to win.

There were a lot of bullies in Magnus’ town. Then there were a lot of tyrants. And never once did Magnus stop fighting. Never once did he stop getting stronger. And never once would he, as long as there were challenges in the world, as long as there were people who needed to be fought. Cliffs that needed to be climbed. 

And so, with a rope before him and three men tied around him, Magnus  _ climbed.  _ A hundred feet. Two hundred.

“The boat’s closing in,” Barry said.

Three hundred feet Magnus climbed. Four hundred.

“She’s uh,” Barry sounded like he was going to be sick. “She’s climbing the rope.”

“Just keep climbing,” Kravitz instructed.

“I  _ am.”  _ Five hunded feet, Six hundred. Seven hundred. But the woman in black was not far behind.

“She’s moving pretty quick, huh?” Taako said, doing his best to sound casual and not terrified. 

“I have three people on my back!”

“Hey no insult, my man, just saying.”

Eight hundred feet. Nine hundred, and Magnus pulled them up onto the cliff’s edge.

Within moments Kravitz had untied himself from Magnus, and rushed forward to untie the rope from the rock it was anchored to. Before anyone could protest, the rope snaked off of the stone and over the cliff’s edge.

“You killed her!” Magnus exclaimed.

“That,” Kravitz said evenly, steadying his breath, “Was the Dread Pirate Roberts. She’s killed plenty enough to make this fair. Besides,” He eyed Taako. “This mission will prevent countless deaths within Phandalin.”

“I uh, I don’t think you have to worry, big guy,” Barry said, looking over the cliff. “She’s still climbing.”

The group joined him at the edge, and looked down. Sure enough, the woman in black was holding herself flush against the cliffside, steadily,  _ slowly,  _ climbing up.

“Inconceivable,” Kravitz murmured.

“Yeah well its fucking happening, dude.” Taako snapped. “You need me to blast her or something? Just need my wand-”

“No,” Kravitz said. “We need to get moving. Barry, take care of her.”

“I-  _ what? Me? _ ”

“Yes.” Kravitz brushed past them. “Taako, do you want to walk or do I need to have Magnus carry you?”

“I’ll fucking walk, thanks” Taako said, pulling himself to his feet. His hands were still bound.

Taako and Magnus quickly followed Kravitz up the hill, leaving Barry alone on the cliffs.

Barry looked over to the cliffs. The woman in black was still climbing. He made his way to a large boulder and leaned against its surface, readying himself for when the woman pulled herself over the cliffside. He fiddled with his wand. He walked back over to the edge.

"Um, Hi." He called.

The woman in black paused. She looked up slowly, incredulous. Oh jeez, that was probably the wrong thing to say to someone scaling a cliff. "Hey" she responded eventually.

"You uh, do you need help?" Barry asked.

There was a shorter pause this time. "Didn't your boss tell you to kill me?"

"No! He told me to uh, take care of you." Barry cringed. Okay, that didn’t sound great.

The woman in black looked like she might be laughing to herself. It was hard to tell though, what with the distance and the rock climbing. "Sounds totally kosher my dude"

"Well, I'm- I'm not going to kill you," Barry though for a moment. "If I can help it."

"Wow, that is super comforting."

"I do have to stop you," he explained, "but I'd rather not kill you."

"How agreeable, I'd hate to die." the woman was making her way up the cliff steadily, but slowly. "Then again not so agreeable, because I will definitely not be stopped."

"I mean, I guess that would come down to who can hold their own then."

"I-ugh!" The woman nearly slipped, then clutched tighter to the rockface. She let out a slow breath through her nose. "I guess," she replied, with all the dignity she could muster.

"Do you need help?" Barry asked again. "I have some rope."

"How do I know you're not going to let go?"

"I won't," Barry promised. "You have my word."

"As what?"

"Um...as...a man?"

The woman snorted. "No dice, my dude".

Barry stared down at the woman in black. She was starting to struggle, the footholds becoming less and less reliable beneath her. In her defence, it was a mythically unscalable cliff A small thin holster rested on her hip.

"As a wizard?" Barry offered.

The woman looked up at him questioningly. "You don't look like a wizard."

"I am," Barry held out his wand. "See?"

"Is that  _ bone _ ?"

"Um," Barry quickly shoved his wand back into its holster. "No? Well, yes, but it's- its not anybody's- I mean- I didn't kill somebody for it."

The woman continued staring at him. Even from meters down, he felt like her gaze was burning him to ash. He waited, hesitant to say anything else to make him sound even more like a creep. He really didn't want her to fall.

"Toss me the rope." She said finally.

Barry made quick work of it, tying the rope securely to the rock and snaking it over the edge. The woman in black grabbed it with one hand, yanked harshly, then began to pull herself up the cliff. When she reached the top, she leapt to her feet and drew her wand.

Barry held his hands up in defense "You can- you can rest first."

The woman's wand lowered slightly. "What?"

"You just scaled a cliff. It doesn't...seem...fair?" Barry trailed off as the woman eyed him wearily. 

He didn't seem like the kind to play that sort of trick. Then again, he didn't seem like a kidnapper either. Slowly, she lowered her wand.

"Okay," she said, "Thanks."

"No problem".

Barry resettled himself against the boulder, and the woman in black sat to the right of him.

“Why are you following us, if you don’t mind me asking?”

The woman’s grip against the stone tightened. “You’re carrying a pretty valuable package, if I’m right.”

“That’s- we’re not  _ selling  _ him,” Barry defended.

“That’s a shame, I’d pay a hefty sum.”

Discomfort sat in Barry’s stomach. They had their reasons for taking the prince-consort-to-be, but from the outside...well, it didn’t look great. There was no reason for this woman to think they  _ weren’t _ ready to sell him, for the right price.

“Is that really the only reason?” 

“Why do you ask?”

“You scaled the Cliffs of Insanity. I don’t think…” Barry trailed off. “Uh, I don’t know how much lords usually go for but that seems like a lot more than it’s worth.”

The woman in black hesitated. The man she faced seemed like a genuine one, despite everything about their situation implying otherwise. A half truth might do. “He’s worth a lot.” She said, hand running along the length of her wand. After a moment, she continued. “I lost my brother, years ago. I know he’s still alive. With the prince’s money, and his resources...I’ll be able to find him.”

“I’m sorry,” Barry said quietly. He didn’t know what he had expected, but for this woman to have a motivation that was anything but wicked seemed to surprise him anyway. “How...how did you lose him?”

The woman in black was looking straight ahead, eyes turned to embers in the distance. “I was on a journey, and my ship went down. Most of the voyagers drowned.” She glanced at Barry. “By the time I got back...it had been years, by the time I got back. He was gone. We’d always traveled. And without me he just...he kept going. Like we always did. But I don’t know where he is now.”

“I’m sorry,” Barry said again. After a moment of somber consideration, he put his hand over her gloved one resting on the rock, offering comfort for a fraction of a moment before pulling away again. She didn’t seem to mind.

“What about you?” The woman said, once it seemed that Barry had nothing else to say. “No offence, but you don’t seem like the kidnap-for-ransom sort.”

“The prince is wrong,” He said finally. “With- the way he runs his country, and the people he’s in league with. I don’t know where you hail from, but things in Phandalin aren’t good.”

“And you think kidnapping his fiance will change things?”

“It’s more involved than that,” Barry looked over at the woman in black. He didn’t know why he felt the need to defend himself to someone who was almost certainly a pirate. Maybe it was her honestly. Maybe it was the way her eyes burned, deep and fiery but not  _ cruel.  _ “I don’t know all the details, but he’s- he’s part of the puzzle. Somehow. We’re not going to kill him.” He said again.

“Well that’s very good,” the woman in black stood, raising her wand. “Since I do need him alive.”

Barry stood as well, avoiding reaching for his own wand. “There’s no chance you’ll leave this one alone? I- I really don’t want to fight you.” He hesitated. “We have resources at our disposal. After this we could- we could help you find your brother.”  
The woman cocked her head, a sardonic smile peeking out from under her half-mask. “That’s- very sweet of you actually, but no. I need this one.”

“Okay.” Barry answered, resigned. He raised his own wand. “Are you ready?”

“Always. Ready?”

“Yes.  _ Start. _ ”

There was an  _ order  _ to duels in Faerun. It was considered courtesy, in larger fights, with fighters and monsters and steel. But among magic-users, it was different. It took time to cast certain spells, yes, but there was something  _ other _ as well. Like the magic itself would pause between attacks, no matter how quickly one cast. Like it was waiting for the answering call, like it was being passed back and forth. 

Barry cast mage armor a fraction of a second before fire exploded from the tip of the woman in black’s wand, rockets of fire burning him at each side.

“Nice initiative,” The woman commented.

“Thanks,” and Barry cast Ray of Sickness.

It went on like that, back and forth. The woman in black had a dexterity Barry had never seen in a caster, flipping around many of his attacks without ever having to magically boost her defence.

“You’re a wizard?” He questioned.

“Multiclassed rouge, babe,” She laughed, “ _ Well _ worth it.”

Barry had a few levels in fighter but it was- it was nothing compared to the way she moved. He cast again. He was a  _ good  _ caster. Frighteningly powerful, some had described him as, which was the only reason he had been recruited for this mission in the first place. 

But the woman in black was unparalleled, flames erupting from her wand that seemed to cast shadows of their own for her to disappear in. By the time each of her attacks were through, she had used them as cover to avoid his sights, and his attacks were rendered useless.

He began to  _ lose. _

He felt his life draining, the fires scorching him even through his mage armor. And the woman in black was still as vital as ever, despite the nature of some of his own magic being particularly...life-draining. 

“You doing good Bluejeans?” The woman in black asked. She seemed delighted, the fire in her eyes burning bright.

“I’m-” A blast of fire hit him, pulling him down, down, as his vision began to tunnel. “ _ Where _ did you learn these spells?”

“I could ask the same of you-” His own spell hit,  _ finally,  _ and the woman in black was shaken for just a moment as the damage hit her. “Are these  _ necromantic _ ?”

The woman in black cast magic missile one last time, and he did not get to answer.

The woman in black blinked. “Dang,” she lowered her wand. “And you were doing so well, too.” She stepped over to Barry, who now lay unconscious on the ground. She was almost disappointed. No one had given her a run for her money like that in a long time, even if she was very good at not showing it. To be quite honest she probably needed to rest for a while, but her mission could not afford to wait.

He’d been kind as well though. She wasn’t sure  _ what  _ had possessed her to tell him about her brother, even in non-explicit terms. Maybe it was that she’d had the option to kill him if she wanted to. But he had placed his hand over her own instead, offered her  _ sympathy.  _ She hadn’t had that in a long time either.

The woman in black crouched down next to Barry. Carefully, she brushed the hair out of his face before casting spare the dying. He’d still be out for a while, but he was alive. “There you go,” she said to him. “Hope you still take down that bastard spider-prince.” Then she sheathed her wand, found the trail the others had taken, and raced into the dawn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Astria like... Astral Plane...  
> Anyway, main cast has been officially introduced! Dnd mechanics effectively ignored! Gosh, I love doing whatever I want.


	3. The Fighter

The Prince of Phandalin read over the letter carefully. It had been retrieved from the saddle of Garyl, his fiance’s steed, after he returned to the castle without said fiance. “Hm,” he said, “No, I don’t think this will do at all.”

Governor Kalen leaned over his shoulder. “It’s the rebels, your majesty, I’m certain of it.”

Brian turned the letter over in his hands. The demands listed  _ were  _ similar to those of the rebellion. “I think it was the Astrian Crown,” he said.

“What?” the governor nearly snatched the paper from the prince’s hands, before he thought better of it. “Why?”

Brian waved the letter around like it wasn’t some vital piece of evidence against their potential enemies. “This parchment, I think it is Astrian, yes? Smell the pulp-” He shoved the letter in Governor Kalen’s face, “-it’s not from here.”

“It could be  _ imported. _ ”

“The rebels are too poor for that.” Brian dismissed.

“Maybe they’ve turned to foreign powers for aid. If that’s the case, your majesty, we need to crush the rebellion now. These people are terrorists, and now they’ve kidnapped the lord.”

“I’m not certain it’s them,” Brian said. He fluttered his lashes, pressing a hand to his chest. “Oh, but you know I must rescue my beloved. It’s just breaking my heart. I can’t bear to have him in danger.”

“Then you must  _ act.  _ You cannot give into these demands, your majesty. Just give me the word and I can send my trackers. I can send our  _ armies  _ to every rebel outpost-”

The prince waved him off and began to pace around the room “No, no, that won’t do,” He muttered to himself. “I could negotiate, but that’s not  _ big  _ enough. And armies are impersonal. I need to show the kingdom how much I care. I can’t have them doubting the royal wedding now- ah! I know!” Brian clapped his hands together with delight. “I’ll rescue him myself!”

Governor Kalen felt his hand twitch. “Your majesty, I understand your image is important, but going yourself you can only accomplish one thing. This is a perfect justification to crush the rebellion-”

“No, no. No crushing. If they’re reminded of how much their brave prince  _ loves  _ they’ll be too enamoured with me to rebel. People love the hero stories.” He opened his palms as if the solution was obvious. “See? The perfect solution.”

“Your majesty-”

“No, no time for arguments. With every moment my beloved gets farther away, and I appear to care less and less. I must leap into action!” He turned to a nearby servant. “Johann! Ready my party!”

“That’s...not my job.”

“Johann, my fiance had been kidnapped!” Brian exclaimed.

The man sighed, and slowly made his way out of the room.

“There. Now I must retrieve Bryan. And you’ll come with me of course,” the prince added, waving to Governor Kalen. “You could use the good publicity. We’ll make sure the whole kingdom knows of our heroics!” 

“...Of course, your majesty. Thank you.” he replied, and the two left to ready their steeds.

-

“I think she beat your caster my dudes,” Taako said. He, Magnus, and Kravitz were quite a ways up on the hill now. It was easy to see the woman in black even from this distance, following their trail intently. The other two turned to look back at Taako’s comment.

Kravitz opened his mouth. If he said  _ inconceivable  _ one more time, Taako was going to find a way to untie his hands just to blast him with a magic missile. Instead, he shook his head. “Magnus.”

Magnus groaned. “Why  _ me _ ?”

“I have to get the lord to the drop-off point,” Kravitz explained. He put his hand on Taako’s back, guiding him away from Magnus, not that the larger man had been keeping particularly tight hold of him. Taako was smarter than to try to make a move surrounded on either side with his hands tied together. He would wait to make his escape. The woman in black was practically doing the work for him at this point, with Kravitz sending off his party one by one.

Kravitz grabbed the rope around Taako’s wrists, pulling him ahead as he shuffled into a brisk walk. Taako leaned backwards as he went, just to make things difficult. 

“Slow down, my man. It’s like you’ve got somewhere to be.”

“I  _ do,”  _ Kravitz responded tersely. This guy was  _ too  _ easy. He obviously didn’t grow up with siblings. 

“Oh really? I do too, maybe we’re going the same direction.”

“I think you are!” Magnus chimed in from behind them. Taako stifled a laugh. He was a good sport, even if he  _ was  _ one of his kidnappers

As Taako and Kravitz continued bickering up the path of the hill, Magnus turned back downhill. The woman in black was still racing up, but he was pretty sure he had a few more minutes.

Magnus looked around him. There were plenty of rocks on the hillside, and some boulders. He reached down, lifting one up and holding it against the figure in the distance. It seemed about the size of her head, if he was judging things right. He wasn’t great with long-range weapons, but this should be fine. He hid himself behind the largest boulder and waited.

And waited. 

The woman in black was taking longer than he thought she would. He peaked around the side of the boulder just in time to see her enter range, and he threw the rock with all his might.

Right next to her head.

The woman startled as the rock crashed against another boulder, shattering like ice. She turned sharply in his direction. “Excuse  _ you _ .” She managed to sound vicious when she hissed the words out, but something was off. She was panting, her shoulders moving heavily up and down in the way Magnus clearly recognized as that of someone who was very nearly out of breath. He was almost surprised. Then again, she’d just scaled the cliffs of insanity, fought Barry, and ran at least a few miles uphill fullspeed without so much as a short rest. 

“Sorry,” Magnus said. “Just a demonstration.”

“Of what?”

“I’m really good at throwing things.”

“I see,” The woman in black drew her wand. “Well I’m really good at blasting things.”

“Wait,” Magnus said. “Take a second to catch your breath.”

She lowered her wand a fraction of an inch. “What?” 

“It’s not fair like this.” 

The woman in black stared at him for several seconds, perplexity clear even behind her mask. Finally, she let her wand hand fall to her side. “What kind of mercenaries  _ are  _ you guys?”

“We’re not mercenaries.” Magnus said. “We weren’t hired for this job, we were recruited.”

“So you’re well-known mercenaries.”

“We’re not mercenaries,” Magnus insisted. He sat down on a boulder, which seemed to creak under his weight. It didn’t come as a surprise to him; it was a small boulder. “We’re revolutionaries.”

The woman in black sat down cautiously across from him. “Mercenaries can be revolutionaries for the right price.” she said.

“Well, we’re not.” Magnus leaned forward. “Things are really bad in Phandalin. What we’re doing is  _ important. _ ”

“What I’m doing is important too.” the woman responded.

“Aren’t you- Aren’t you a pirate or something?” Magnus asked.

“Yeah, and?”

Magnus watched her for a moment. “Nothing, I guess. I guess I didn’t think pirates had like...ulterior motives.”

“Besides money?”

“Besides money, yeah.”

The woman leaned back. “Well I do. I know…” She hesitated. “Look, I know things are bad in Phandalin, and if you’re telling the truth then what you’re doing is important too, but my thing has got to take priority right now, so,” she stood up.

“Wait. Just wait a little longer, alright? You need a short rest. I know you can’t have too many hit points left after fighting Barry, and I don’t want to accidentally knock you dead.”

“If you’re not gonna fight me, what’s stopping me from running off after my prize right now?”

“I will fight you, if you try to run,” Magnus stood up to illustrate his point. “I’d just rather it be a fair fight.”

The woman in black stood still, calculating her chances. Finally, she sat back down. Magnus followed suit. They rested for a moment.

“You’ve...lost someone, haven’t you?” Magnus said.

“Why do you ask?”

“Just...the way you’re talking about things.”

The woman studied the sky, still leaned back casually on the rock. Fuck it, she’d already told Barry. “Yeah. I have.”

“I lost someone too.” Magnus said.

“Because of the way things are in Phandalin?”

“Yeah.” Magnus looked at the ground. “We...my wife lived in Raven’s Roost, and…” he struggled to get the words out.

“Where Governor Kalen bombed.” the woman said.

Magnus looked up sharply. “Yeah,” he said emphatically. “The whole world thinks it was the rebels, the prince and Kalen told everyone it was the rebellion but- it was him.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“Just,” Magnus looked up at the woman in black. “That’s why our thing is important too. I’ll give you a fair fight, but I can’t let you go. Even if you lost someone too.”

“I understand,” the woman said, and she did. Minutes passed between them.

“What do you think of as a fair fight anyway?” she asked eventually. “I’m pretty sure my fire can hit a lot harder than your punches. No matter how strong you are.”

“I mean, I’m pretty strong.” Magnus coughed out a laugh. “And, like, I’ve got an axe and stuff.”

“An axe huh?” The woman considered. “I do have a sword too, if you wanted to try something like that.”

Magnus lit up. “Like a duel? Man-to-man? Er- Man-to-woman?”

“That’s what it would be.” The woman pulled out her sword, though she remained seated. It was thinner than his weapons, long and graceful like the sort you usually found on decorated nobles who’d never fought a day in their lives. But Magnus knew better than to doubt the woman before him.

“I would miss out on your cool fire magic though.”

The woman in black considered the man before her. It wouldn’t hurt to have a little bit of fun before she had to fight him for real. “You don’t have too.” she looked around at the smaller boulders surrounding them, then back to Magnus. “You said you’re good at throwing stuff?”

The woman in black saw him catch on, jump up, and scoop up a nearby rock all in one motion. “Fuck yeah!” he shouted, “Pull!” and launched the small boulder up into the air,  _ far. _

The woman in black leaned back and shot a fire bolt in the same direction. The shards of rock rained down around them, and she grinned wildly. “Nice!”

“That was awesome!”

“ _ That _ was awesome! Dude, you’re gonna be as fun to fight as Bluejeans!”

“ _ Barry _ was fun?” Magnus looked at her, incredulous.

“He was fun. I’ve hardly met a duelist of his skill before. I don’t think I’ve  _ ever  _ met one who’s not an asshole.”

“I’m not an asshole!” 

The woman in black sighed, and her smile shifted into a resigned one. “You’re right, you’re not an asshole. You guys are something else.” She stood up, brandishing her sword. “But I can’t let your ring leader and the lord get too much farther ahead, so?” she gestured a readied position with her blade.

Magnus followed suit, pulling  _ Rail Spitter _ from his side. “Health back up?”

“All HP accounted for, my dude. Ready?”

“Ready. Let’s duel.”

-

They’d been traveling for nearly half an hour when Kravitz’s responses to Taako’s jabs started to diminish. They’d had a pretty good banter going on all things considered. But now Kravitz was starting to seem nervous. He kept looking to the path behind them, though he was doing a fairly good job at being discreet about it.

“What’s the matter my dude, miss your drop off point?” Taako asked.

“No,” Kravitz said somberly. “It’s been too long. Magnus should have caught up to us by now.” He pulled out a stone of far-speech, as if Taako’s questioning had finally influenced him to give in. “Magnus? Can you hear me? Where are you?”

When there was no answer, Kravitz sighed, annoyed. “Ugh.  _ The Hammer,  _ come in.”

“ _ The Hammer?”  _ Taako asked. 

“It’s his stupid code name. We don’t even  _ have  _ code names.” Kravitz tapped his fingers against the stone. “But he’s still not responding,”

“Shit dude, looks like this lady’s giving you a run for your money,” Taako said casually. At least he hoped it sounded casual. There was something about the woman in black- the purpose she moved with maybe- that scared him. Worse than his kidnappers. Worse than Brian. He didn’t know what she would do to him once she caught up to them. This guy at least seemed to have no interest in seriously hurting him. No, just in using him as some sort of bargaining chip.  _ Shitty,  _ but- “Are you okay?”

Kravitz looked at him incredulously. “Did you just ask if I was okay?”

Taako did his best to flip his hair without using his hands. “I’m not gonna repeat myself dude, Taako’s words are a one-time offer.”

Kravitz stared at him for a moment longer. It almost seemed like he would answer, but instead he shook his head. He scanned the landscape before them and moved with a reinvigorated purpose. After a minute or so they reached a break in the uphill climb. Kravitz stopped then.

“Ah, you found the dropoff point.” Taako commented. “Good for you.”

“It's not the dropoff point,” Kravitz said quietly. Most peculiarly, he began to set up camp, He laid out a traveling mat, and began pulling bread from his bag. Taako stood, confused.

“Uh, don’t we have a pirate after us or something?”

“We do,” Kravitz agreed. “And with the rate she’s going, she’ll catch us long before we reach safety.”

“So we’re giving up?”

“No.” Kravitz said. “We’re lying in wait.”

Taako barked out a laugh. He was nervous, but not scared witless like his captor apparently was. “For what? For her to come kill us?”

“ _ No _ . Taako, I’m- I still have much at my disposal. It will be better to wait here so we can see her coming than to have her catch up with us when we start to get tired.”

Taako didn’t want to admit that Kravitz possibly had a point. There were a lot of other points to be made, for sure, but without knowing exactly what skills Kravitz had it was hard to make them himself.

After a minute, Kravitz gestured to the ground awkwardly “Would you like to sit?”

Taako laughed again. “Sure dude, and while we’re at it you can untie my hands.”

“I can’t do that.” Kravitz said, “But we’ve been traveling for a long time. We should rest.”

Taako wanted to argue. He really, really did. It was in his very nature, some might say. But it had just been  _ such a damn long day.  _ If he made it out of here his creepy fiance was waiting for him, after rescue or ransom or- whatever. And if he didn’t some crazy pirate lady was probably going to kill him. Things were already so goddamn weird, he might as well have a picnic with his kidnapper. He plopped down onto the travel mat.

Kravitz sat next to him and pulled a few more items from his back. Then he pulled out a knife.

“What the _ fuck _ my dude?”

“I’m not going to hurt you, your highness.” Kravitz insisted. “I  _ promise you, I’m not.  _ But I need to have this ready.” He held the dagger in his lap. “That woman wants you for some reason, and I don’t think she wants you dead. At least not until she gets what she wants from you.” Kravitz eyed him wearily. “Unless you’ve made some...mighty powerful enemies.”

“Well I don’t know man, I’d have to check my biography.”

“Taako.”

“Not a fucking pirate if that’s what you’re asking.” he snapped.

“Then she wants you alive.” Kravitz said. “Probably for the same reason we do.”

“You really know how to make a guy feel special, huh.”

“That’s obviously not- I also want you alive because you’re a person and we don’t kill people, is that what you want?”

“Uh, more or less yeah.”

“I mean that you have  _ affluence _ , Taako. She can’t use you to bargain if you’re dead.”

“Still don’t get why you have to pull a knife on me if you’re not gonna kill me.” Taako accused.

“When she gets close, I'm going to press this knife to your neck. I am not going to kill you. But I'm going to tell her that I will if she doesn't leave in peace."

"Excuse me if I don't trust like that."

"Taako I am telling you this for your benefit. Honestly it would probably be more convincing if you genuinely believed you were in danger-"

"You haven't seen me act."

"-but it seems ungentlemanly to put you through that." Kravitz finished.

Taako blinked, unconvinced "You kidnapped me."

Kravitz sighed in frustration. "Yes, I-" he pinched the bridge of his nose. "I know. And I'm sorry. I promise it's for a good cause."

Taako looked over Kravitz slowly. He noted his face- clearly Astrian (and handsome, okay, cut him some slack) and his clothing, clearly someone with either a lot of money or a lot of influence. The crest of the Raven Crown was embroidered on his breast pocket. "You're not from Phandalin." Taako said finally.

"No?" Kravitz said. It was obvious.

"Why do you care so much about the rebellion?" He asked.

"It became the business of the Raven Queen when your governors started using them as an excuse to try to wage a war." His brow furrowed. "And the way your leaders treat your people..I don't know how much you see from your tower, your highness, so I won't fault you, but...It's unacceptable. No matter whose crown I serve."

"And those other dudes?" Taako prompted.

"From Phandalin. Revolutionaries already. The Raven Queen recruited them for this mission." Kravitz hesitated. "Magnus was from Raven's Roost."

_ Ah.  _ That explained the look in his eyes when they were on the boat. Raven's Roost had been a civilian town. It had been bombed almost two years ago by the order of Governor Kalen when he deemed the revolutionary activity there too much of a threat. Even Brian had been upset about it when Kalen finally told him he'd sent the order. "I see a lot from my tower." Taako said at last.

"Then why are you marrying the prince? No offense Taako, but you don't seem like the type to roll over. And a tyrant is the type to demand it of you."

Taako laughed humorlessly. "Brian's not even the worst of them. We actually get along pretty well, when he's not being a creep." His gaze darkened. "Buuut he did recruit me as the groom for a royal engagement to distract his people from his bullshit policies. And threaten to kill me if I said no."

Kravitz looked affronted. "He's holding you  _ hostage _ ?"

"I mean, not really anymore. Mostly he just makes me go for a public walk with him every month or so."

"Under threat of death."

"I don't think he could kill me now- he's made it out like I'm his true love or whatever, but I guess he could have it done privately if- ugh don't make me think about it." Taako buried his face in his arms.

" _ Taako we're sending you back to him _ ." Kravitz said desperately. "I mean,  _ if all goes well _ we're sending you back to him. We can't do that if he's extorting you! But if we don't, it will be plenty excuse to wage a war!" He suddenly met Taako's eyes, distressed. "He doesn't care if you die, does he? This whole plan was forged on the assumption that he'd want his groom back  _ alive. _ "

"This whole  _ plan  _ was forged on a kidnapping, and you  _ didn't  _ think it would morally backfire?"

Kravitz groaned, dragging a long hand down his face. "Shit. I don't have time for this."

"Tell me about it, I only planned to be out riding for like, an hour."

Kravitz laughed. It was a pained sound, but at least it was something. "Listen," he said finally. "We'll figure it out. We have a fucking pirate to deal with I guess," he gestured downhill with the dagger, where the woman in black would surely be coming into view any minute. "But I'll take care of it. And once we get you to the base, we'll take care of you. I'm not sending you back to him if you don't want to go."

"That's real nice dude, but if it's for the revolution or whatever I get it. As long as I don't lose my head, Taako is good."

"We'll see." Kravitz said, and pressed the dagger against his neck.

The woman in black would see them soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Magnus and Lup are so fun to write lol! See you next week!


	4. The Dread Pirate

Taako grit his teeth at the feeling of the dagger against his neck. Kravitz had tied a blindfold over his eyes as well. “To make it convincing,” He’d said, like they were in some 3rd-rate theater troupe.

“If I die anyway I’m gonna haunt your ass.” Taako muttered.

“Quiet.” Kravitz hissed. The woman in black was getting closer.

The woman slowed as she approached, stopping a few meters away. “So it’s down to you then,” she said after a moment.

“It seems so.” Kravitz answered, in the most ridiculous accent Taako had ever heard. He almost choked, but the knife kept his reaction at bay.

The woman stepped closer.

“Ah!” Kravitz warned. He pushed the dagger harder against Taako’s neck. “Come any closer, and he dies.”

The woman in black froze, minutely. Then, like water in the spring, her shoulders relaxed, the picture of ease. “You’re going to throw away your bargaining chip without even listening to my offer?” she asked.

“My only job is to see this one dead.” Kravitz said casually. “His only value alive is to you.”  _ Nice to hear, jackass,  _ Taako thought.

“Then we’re at an impasse.” The woman said.

“It seems so. You need him alive, I don’t. You’ll kill me if I kill him.”

“Something like that.” The woman tapped the hilt of her sword thoughtfully. “I’ll fight you for him.”

“I’m not a swordsman.” Kravitz said dryly. 

“Magic then.”

“No.”

“How about...a wager?”

Kravitz gripped the knife tighter. This woman would kill him, without a doubt, but if he bought himself a distraction, time to think- He slowly lowered the blade. “I’m listening.”

She nodded towards where they sat on the ground. “May I?”

Kravitz nodded slowly in return, and the woman sat across from him. “Why don’t you pour that wine, Lord?” she asked Taako.

His sardonic expression was unfortunately wasted under the blindfold. He raised his bound hands into view, showcasing his dual impairments. “You wanna get red on your pants?” he said.

The woman in black laughed. “Wouldn’t be the first time,” she replied. Instead she reached forward and poured the wine herself, into the two silver cups before them. Then she reached to her side and pulled out a small vial. She handed it to Kravitz. “Do you recognize this?”

Kravitz took the vial delicately, turning it over in his hands. “No.” He handed it back.

“ _ That _ is silverpoint poison,” she explained. “One nick of the stuff and you’re a dead man.”

Kravitz narrowed his eyes behind his mask. “And how does this tie into our wager?”

“I’m going to pour it into one of these cups. It will be undetectable in the wine. And then, you’ll choose one, and we’ll both drink.”

“So a game of chance.”

The woman shrugged. “Not if you’re smart enough. But it’s a wager anyway. You down?”

Kravitz studied the woman before him, weighed her victories against Barry and Magnus. He weighed his chances of getting out of this situation at all, and promptly thought,  _ fuck it. _

“I’m ‘down’ as you said.”

“Cool.” The woman in black grabbed the cups and turned fully around. A moment later she turned back. The vial of silverpoint was empty, and she set the cups of wine onto the travelling mat. “Pick your poison,” she chuckled.

“That’s not funny.”

“I think it’s very funny.”

Kravitz examined the cups. They seemed perfectly equal. He sat in silence for a minute. Two.

“Look I know this is kind of a big choice, but if you’re gonna take this long we might as well go back to holding blades at each other.”

_ They were completely indiscernible.  _ And Kravitz was out of time. He reached for the cup farthest from him, deliberate.

“That’s your choice then?”

“It is.” Kravitz swallowed.

“Alright,” The woman in black grabbed the other cup, and lifted it in toast. “Cheers,” she said, and drank.

_ Taako I hope to hell you know spare the dying. _ Kravitz thought, and brought his cup to his lips. And before he could even process the taste of wine on his tongue, there was darkness.

Taako closed his eyes against the sudden brightness of the world. Someone had taken his blindfold off. Judging from the absence of a body to his side, he had a sickening guess as to who it was. From one captor to another, apparently. And he has just started to like that one. Taako opened his eyes.

And promptly closed them again. Blood rushed to his head, grief and confusion ripping through him. “What the fuck,” he said. It sounded like someone else.

“Taako can you  _ not.” _

The woman in black was removing her mask, as if her eyes weren’t familiar enough. Lup was removing her mask.  _ Lup. _

_ “What the fuck.”  _ He repeated. 

“Look, I know I’ve got a lot to fill you in on but like. Prince Brian? Really? I wasn’t even gone for that long.”

“ _ You were gone for five years _ .”

“But like. Enough for  _ you  _ to get hitched?”

“I’m not fucking  _ hitched  _ I’m  _ engaged.”  _ Taako laughed. He was crying now too, wet droplets falling to his hands faster than he could count them. Lup drew a dagger and cut the ropes around his wrists. Then she dropped the blade and pulled her brother close, long arms wrapped around him what felt like a dozen times over.

“But like. To get engaged?” She repeated.

Taako laughed again, burying his head in her shoulder. “I’m going to kill you. I’m actually going to kill you.”

“A little late on that one, bud.”

Taako held Lup back by the shoulders. “Wait, this isn’t some necromancy shit- oh I actually don’t give a fuck.”

Lup pulled him in again. “It’s not. It’s a long story. I’ll fill you in.”

“Okay, but like. I have a fiance to get away from.” Taako turned towards Kravitz’s body. “You-”

“It’s a sleeping potion dingus, don’t worry.” 

“How’d you know it was the right cup?”

“Uh, they were both poisoned? I didn’t stack my constitution for nothing you know.”

“Oh my god, I missed you, you terrible, terrible sister.”

“You too.” Lup stood, pulling Taako to his feet, She nudged Kravitz with his foot. “Uh, you’re not terribly opposed to leaving him here, are you? Cause like, I’m pretty sure I saw the spider prince’s boats docking near the cliffs, and if your goal is to stay the fuck away from that-”

“Let’s go,” Taako said, holding tight to his sister’s hand.

-

The island that Taako had been brought to, and Lup had followed to, was not claimed by the Raven Crown, nor by Phandalin. The cliffs of insanity lined the southern side, followed by miles of hilly and barren land that quite frankly, no one wanted. The fire swamps were to the north.

“I can’t believe I went through all this trouble to rescue you from guys who weren’t even gonna hurt you.”

“I mean, they definitely did kidnap me.”

“Yeah, from the guy who’s been holding you hostage for the last three years. I guess it did allow for my dramatic entrance though.”

“You would have found a way to make it dramatic anyway. But speaking of which,” he tugged on Lup's billowing black sleeve. “Care to drop your own explanation, Lulu?”

“My ship  _ was _ attacked by the Dread Pirate Roberts,” Lup’s eyes darkened. “He killed most of the voyagers in one go. But he kept a couple around, menial labor and all that. They were going to kill us before they reached port.”

“And?”

“Well turns out he sucks. Not even his own crew could fucking stand him.” She shrugged. “So I staged a mutiny.”

“As a hostage.” Taako said flatly.

“What can I say? People like me. And I’m super competent. The world and the crew is rid of a Dread Pirate and I get a cool scary ship out of the deal.”

“Did you…?” Taako trailed off, not sure he wanted to know the answer.

“Hell no, I have more class than that. I stole his clothes and dropped him off at the nearest port. No one believed he was the Dread Pirate when I  _ clearly _ looked so much better in the getup. His name was fucking  _ Greg  _ by the way, can you believe it?”

“ _ Greg?” _

“ _ Greg fucking Gremaldis.  _ And let me tell you Taako, I have no damn clue how he conquered the seas. That guy was a  _ termite _ . His first mate basically ran the whole ship,” she laughed. “Hell, he was basically in charge even when  _ I  _ was in charge. I called him cap’n half the time.” She sighed, suddenly somber. “Anyway. It tooks months to get everything turned around. And by the time I came home…”

“I was gone.” Taako finished.

“Yeah. And its a big fucking continent I guess, because even with a ship I couldn’t find you.”

“I’m sorry.”

Lup stopped, turning to her brother sharply. “Hey-  _ Hey _ ,  _ no _ , you don’t apologize. I was gone for five years.”

Taako scoffed. “And I left you behind like you never existed.”

“That’s not what you did. You moved on, which is what you were supposed to. I’m...I’m  _ proud  _ of you, Taako. Don’t get me wrong, I’m super stoked to have you back but like? Your own show? Lordship? You did pretty damn well for yourself as a solo act.”

Taako  _ refused  _ to cry again. “Well look at you, Miss Dread Pirate _.  _ Not so bad yourself.”

Lup smiled, and started walking again.

“Where are we headed anyway?”

Lup’s grip on his hand tightened. “Um...the fire swamp?”

Taako was the one to stop this time. “Um, why the fuck would we go there?”

“Davenport will have gotten my ship to the other side of the island by now.”

“So we should go around it.” Taako argued.

“We need to reach there  _ before  _ your fiance catches up with us.”

Taako looked back. They were on more of a plateau now, but he could still see Brian’s rescue party in the distance. “Damnit.”

“They won’t follow us into the swamp.”

“Uh, yeah, because they don’t have a death wish.” Taako said, but he knew they were out of other options.

“I’ve cheated death before.” Lup reminded him. Taako sighed.

“Okay. Fuck it,” he said, and the two headed towards the swamp.

The fire swamps of this particular island were mostly a story, like quicksand or the bermuda triangle. Real, yes, but an imaginary threat. It was something that terrified children, but that adults knew they had no reason to be afraid of, because they would never encounter them. If they led a normal life.

But Taako and Lup, albeit on accident, had grown to live lives that were very much  _ not  _ normal. They were a Prince-to-be and a Dread Pirate, the exact kind of people who were just destined to encounter a fire swamp. That being so, the childhood stories, somewhat of a constant no matter where they were on the road, were rushing back to both of them.

The fire, Lup was sure she could handle. Prestidigitation could put out anything as large as a campfire, and the bursts of flame fabled to shoot from the earth could surely be no bigger than that. Even the rodents, larger than capybaras and more vicious than devils, could be dealt with by a wizard of her or Taako’s skill. Together again, as they finally were, the beasts didn’t stand a chance.

The snow sand is what bothered Taako. It was what caused him to grip his sister’s hand like a vice, even once it became clear that enough light filtered through the foliage for him to keep sight of her.

Lup wrinkled her nose when they entered the swamp, holding the billowed black sleeve of her free arm over her face at the smell. “Grody.”

Taako pressed his lips together tightly, but made no other motion. “Since when are you such a baby?”

“I got spoiled by fresh air on my ship.”

Taako snorted. “Oh yeah, I’m sure the smell of rotting fish will be a breath of relief compared to this.”

Lup scoffed. “Like I would ever let them keep anything but the freshest ingredients on my ship,” She bumped his shoulder. “I haven’t changed _ that _ much Taako.”

They carried on like that as they traversed the swamp, joking like not a day had passed and filling each other in on everything the other had missed. They surely had more pressing things to talk about, like the rebellion in Phandalin or the Raven Crown or what they would do once they reached the seas. But things were hard enough within the fire swamp, and it wouldn’t be good to dwell on the upcoming hardships as well. So they bantered, and laughed, and took down carnivorous rodents like it was a game. Along the way Taako even forgot to keep ahold of Lup’s hand, as he was far more occupied with producing a dramatic flare as he took down a particularly vicious creature.

Which is precisely why they missed the snow sand.

When Taako had left Lup’s life, it had happened slowly, like quicksand, contrary to its name. She had planned to lose him for some months, which extended, gradually, to years. It hurt beyond measure, grew desperate and devastated, but she knew it was happening every day she couldn’t find him. When Taako had lost Lup, it had been all at once, with no goodbye and a devastating suddenness. Lup was alive one day, and then she was dead. There then gone. Just like now, as Taako turned around to see her fingertips disappear under dry, off-white grains of sand.

Taako did not think. He grabbed a vine, hoping it would hold, and dove in after her.

Beneath the sand, Lup did think. She spread her body out flat as much as she could in every direction, praying that she hadn’t lost track of up and down, praying that it slowed her descent enough for Taako to reach her. Praying that he didn’t die falling in after her.

Taako kicked, holding tightly to the vine with one hand, diving deeper and deeper into the suffocating sand. He grasped around with the other, searching desperately for Lup. He dove for what felt like miles, before the vine pulled taunt, too short to guide him farther. If he let go, he would be releasing his only way back out. If he did not reach Lup within a few inches, he would never be able to find it again. Taako let go. 

Finally, finally, he caught hold of a wrist. He almost pulled back up, before nearly screaming instead. The wrist was nothing but bone, a corpse fallen deep into the sand. Taako threw the bone away, reaching deeper, deeper, too far to find the vine again. His hand hit warmth, Lup, and he wrapped his fist around her limb like a lifeline.

They sank deeper, as Taako fought against the density to reach for his wand. The verbal components were useless. Sand would fill his throat as soon as he opened his mouth, but  _ maybe. Blink. _

They were still in the sand when Taako jumped back into the material plane, but higher, closer, and Taako reached out his hand until he found the vine. Lup was grasping too, wrapping an arm over him as they pulled themselves up,  _ up. Air. _

They were both coughing up sand before they could question the wellbeing of the other. Lup crawled over to Taako when her own coughing started to subside. Sand was still raining from his mouth each time he shook.

“Did you-” she coughed again, weakly. “Did you open your mouth in there?”

“Fucking-  _ Bones _ -” is all Taako managed to choke out before he was overcome again.

Minutes passed before they could properly breathe. Taako’s throat still felt like he’d spent the past week eating nothing but sand.

“We have to keep going.” Lup finally said.

Taako croaked out a laugh and let her pull him to his feet. “Right, yeah. Of course.”

“We’re almost there.”

Lup gripped onto Taako’s hand tighter after that. He summoned lights despite the considerable sunlight still filtering through the swamp. Obviously, it wasn’t enough.

After some time, the natural light grew brighter ahead of them. They were nearly out of the fire swamp.

“Fuck yeah!” Taako shouted, though his throat still burned. The two shifted into a jog as they got closer to the edge, finally breaking through the treeline to find- “Shit.”

Along the edge of the forest was row after row of Phandalinian soldiers. At the head of them was Prince Brian, sitting comfortably atop his largest spider. Other officers sat astride royal-bred horses, who Taako knew to be the caliber of Garyl at least. In the distance, along the coast, a dozen ships waited in the water. Taako felt the fire gathering in her sister’s palm, though none manifested yet. Brian spoke.

“Ah, my beloved, at last! I have come to rescue you!”

“...Sure.” Taako said quietly. Brian looked disappointed,

“Well, I’m sure you are too tired to be properly ecstatic. You have had quite the day, haven’t you?” He pointed his staff at Lup. “Surrender.”

Lup let out a short laugh. “Um, I think the fuck not my dude.”

“Hm, maybe you misheard me?” Brian gestured his other arm to his surrounding army. “I said surrender. Give up? Return my fiance to me.”

Lup let go of Taako’s hand, and a fire ignited. “Maybe you misheard  _ me _ . I said ‘never.’”

Brian laughed. “Oh, dear, I think you should reconsider, hm? I’d rather not kill you in front of my beloved.”

Taako’s throat seized up. No one could take on an army.  _ No one could take on an army, and it was impossible to see Lup’s ship through the armada, and they were both nearly out of spell slots.  _ His body felt poised, ready to defend. His head felt light. There was no way out of this.  _ But Lup is alive,  _ he thought. If they fought now, they would die, but there had never been a bad situation they hadn’t been able to get out of together if they played their cards right. If they waited…

“Promise to let her go.” Taako said.

“What?” Lup said.

“What?” said Brian.

“If you rescue me, and I go with you,” Taako explained. “Promise to let her go free. No questions asked.”

Lup stared at her brother. She wanted to fight. She wanted to go out, wands blazing, to burn the prince’s skin from his face before any of his soldiers could drive her through with a standard-issue sword. Taako preferred a subtler approach, “with less chance of us dying” he would have said, if they were saying anything aloud. Instead all she caught was  _ Trust me _ . Trust me it will be okay, which obviously means we’ll be together because being apart was  _ not  _ okay. So she did. She quelled her flame, and stared at the prince.

Brian clapped his hands together, pleased. “That sounds perfectly reasonable, yes.”

Taako saw Governor Kalen, atop a steed at Brian’s right hand, go red. The vein in his forehead looked like it was about to pop, but he stayed silent.

“Alright my beloved, don’t be afraid. We’ll get you home safely.”

Taako squeezed his sister’s hand one last time, and stepped forward. “I’m not riding your freaking spider.” He said as he passed Brian.

“Oh, you insult him,” Brian petted Bryan on the head, turning him around to follow Taako as the soldiers parted. 

"Well?" Lup said dryly.

Kalen eyed the prince, then the soldiers around him. "You are...free to go." He turned around himself, pulling at his horse’s reins and following Brian and Taako. The soldiers surrounding her turned to march out as well.

Lup stood at the edge of the fire swamp as she watched her brother leave. She stood until the soldiers shuffled out of sight. She stood until the armada had sailed away, and she saw only her own pitch-black ship, sailing tightly against the coast. Then, she did the only thing she had ever done. She gripped her wand tight, and she left.

-

It was nightfall before she reached the ship, only half of the pair her crew was expecting. Davenport eyed her until she joined him at the helm.

"Where's Taako?" He asked. Lup stared at the ocean before them. 

"With an armada," She answered. Her heart felt hollow, like the day she had first returned home to find no one waiting. "But we're going to get him back. Sail for Phandalin."

Davenport's lips twitched upwards, small and grimm, and the tides changed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So..this is where everything Does Not Go As Planned and I shove an extra plotline in the middle of the Princess Bride. I tried my best to make it all as cohesive as it could be though! Look forward to that good good blupjeans!


	5. The Rebellion

The weeks after Taako's kidnapping-slash-almost-escape were both anxious and boring. Boring, because the excitement of the rebels and the fire swamp and his  _ sister  _ had almost made him forget how monotonous being a lord could be. Anxious, because he did not know when his sister would come, and Brian was getting eager for the wedding.

There had been only one vast celebration upon his return, but Taako had found it harder than ever to play the part. When the night concluded, Brian announced to the kingdom his intent to wed his beloved, shall they never be apart again. Taako had smiled pleasantly and fought the urge to pull his hair out.

And so the preparations began in full force. It would still be months before anything resembling a wedding came together, but Taako felt it creeping up on him like one of Brian’s spiders. There were things to sign off on and things to judge. Public appearances were minimal if only for the ruse of putting their all into wedding planning. There were plenty of stories published in their steed.

The stories had admittedly been Taako’s idea, years ago when he grew tired of traipsing about the kingdom with his fiance every day. Instead, his supposed daily life with the prince-much of it falsified of course- was recorded by the royal scribe and published in almost every social paper in the kingdom. The only thing that captivated an audience more than a flashy performance from their favorite celebrity was believing they had a glimpse into that celebrity’s everyday life. The stories had been an overwhelming success in terms of drawing the kingdom’s eyes away from the rebellion, and Taako was rewarded with  _ not  _ having to go out.

Now though, even the stories seemed like more effort than they were worth. Taako met with Lucretia weekly. Brian didn’t know how to give the people what they wanted, so that responsibility fell to Taako. 

“We took a lovely walk on the grounds the other day, you should have been there.”

“How about the garden?” The responsibility did not fall  _ solely  _ on Taako. The stories were workshopped between Lucretia and himself under the  _ very  _ thin pretense of Taako having forgotten some of the details, and Lucretia reminding him.

“Right, it was the garden. The flowers were in bloom, the light filtered through the petals. A more romantic sight could not be beheld.”

“Sounds lovely,” Lucretia was writing far more in her journal than Taako was saying, her pen sliding rapidly across the page. She embellished, quoted between the lines. At first Taako had been weary of it, but he had long since recognized the value. The more Lucretia wrote, the less Taako had to come up with himself. “You stopped to rest at the fountain?”

“Oh of course, and he even let me flick one of his little spiders in there.”

Lucretia smirked. “I don’t think so.”

“A guy can dream.”

Lucretia sat back, setting her journal on the table next to her. “You know Taako, I can finish this up myself if you’re not feeling it.” She spoke in low tones. They were alone in her office, and everyone who mattered knew the records were falsified, but it was still a habit to play at the secret of it.

Taako rolled his head back. “No, no, this is fine. I’d rather be in here than risk running into King Spider-freak.”

“He’s been getting on your nerves lately.”

“The  _ wedding _ is getting on my nerves.” Taako leaned forward. “Seriously, fuck this.”

Lucertia bit the inside of her cheek. “It’ll be taken care of soon.” 

One way or another, it would be. It was just the  _ waiting.  _ “I know,” he said. Taako thought of Lup, coming to finally save him from this royal shit. Lucretia watched the miserable lord carefully, and thought of something else.

Eventually, their session came to a close. Lucretia determined that she had enough material, and Taako determined that he was going down to the kitchen to get an early dinner. He waved her goodbye lazily, leaving the door open behind him. Lucretia stood up and closed it. Tapping her finger against the solid wood, she considered. Then she turned back to her desk, and she began to write.

-

Lup sailed along the coast of Phandalin for nearly a week before she came up with something.

“Davenport, I need you to drop me off at the nearest harbor.” she said. 

“And pickup?”

“I’ll keep you updated,” she said,. “But it could be a while.”

When she did hit land, she did so as Lup Taaco, voyager, and very decidedly not  _ Dread Pirate. _ That reputation wouldn’t benefit her in this. She needed to be trustworthy if someone was going to tell her where to find a very specific rebel base.

She could not barge into the castle to get to Taako. Security would be tighter than ever after the last kidnapping, and even Lup knew better than to think she could blast her way through the entire royal guard on her own. Stealth wasn’t exactly her thing either. But there were three people who had managed to kidnap Taako once before. She was willing to bet that with her help, they could do it again. She just had to find them.

It took a full week and lots of acting suspiciously in taverns before she found the information she needed. In that time she heard a lot of bad news, including that of her brother’s impending wedding. It was lucky then, that the hideout she was looking for was so close to the capital. The less time spent traveling the more time they could prepare.

Lup pulled her hood over her face as she quietly made her way to the Davy Lamp. To anyone else she would look like a woman shielding herself from the chilling evening air on her way home from a day trip to the city. To another rebel, hopefully, she would look like someone just as desperate to make a change. Technically she was.

She opened the door to the Davy Lamp carefully, quietly enough that it would be indercernable to someone not posted right inside. She  _ hoped  _ no one was posted right inside. From what Lup could see through the crack in the door, there was only one person in the tavern. The woman was leaned up against the bar, polishing a glass mug. A closed door to her right was the only other entrance to the room. Judging from the shape of the building, it more likely led to a cellar than to a back alley. If her information was correct, the cellar would be full of rebels tonight. Lup closed the door and turned to wait in the shadows beside the building. 

Lup had considered approaching the rebels during their meeting. It was more forthright, more her style, but it would also require her to share a lot of details with a lot of strangers and would more than likely end with some kind of fire. She was the crowd pleaser, but  _ Taako  _ was the talker. It was risky to try to charm your way into a rebellion with a public pirate background, especially if your more charming half was currently being held in the palace.

Instead Lup decided to wait things out. The one thing the meeting could ensure her was the presence of three surprisingly competent rebels. Sooner or later the meeting would end, and they would come out. She could snag them before they each headed home, and campaign for their help. So she waited. And waited.

Lup wasn’t good at waiting. She almost chanced a cantrip on setting a fire to keep the bugs away, but she didn’t want to risk drawing attention to herself suspiciously lurking outside of a building, or to draw the authorities towards one of the rebellion’s bases. After all, she might join the rebellion, after she got her brother back. Piracy was fun, but Lup had a feeling usurping corrupt powers would be even more rewarding. At least until all was well with the kingdom and all that. It didn’t sit right with her to leave Phandalin to ruin.

But her brother came first.

It seemed like hours before people started to emerge from the tavern, slowly and inconspicuously, just a few at a time. Lup pressed against the shadow of the building. She had enough rogue levels to stay hidden.

Finally, two large figures made their exit, turning the opposite way from Lup. They were together, and even better, they were without their ornery ringleader. Lup couldn’t have hoped for a better opportunity. She slunk behind the back of the building and to the other side, trailing them until they were out of distance from the Davy Lamp. Then she slid in front of them.

In her defence, she really hadn’t expected Barry to draw his wand so fast. In her surprise she failed her save, and she was paralized before Magnus even drew his axe.

“Oh, shit,” Barry fumbled his wand, dropping the spell before shoving it back into the holster. “I’m sorry, oh jeez, you startled me-”

“Barry?” Magnus started.

“She’s not armed, Magnus! Ma’am, I’m so sorry-”

“I think that’s Pirate Lady.”

“What?”

“It’s true.” Lup flexed her hands as she held them up in a sign of good will. She  _ hated  _ being paralized. It made her feel like jelly. “The Dread Pirate herself. But you don’t have to cast on me again.”

“Why not?” Magnus asked.

“I need your help.” Lup said seriously. 

The two glanced at each other. “Uh, with what?” Barry asked cautiously.

Lup scanned the area around them. It was dark, but they were still standing in the middle of the street. “It’s kind of a long story. Do you know somewhere we could talk?”

“Uh, yeah, of course-”

“ _ Barry, _ ” Magnus cut him off, looking pointedly at Lup.

“What?”

“ _ Pirate? _ ”

“Oh! Right, um,” Barry furrowed his brow at Lup. “Can we trust you?”

Magnus leaned forward. For all his friendly demeanor during their first encounter, he was clearly not without suspicion on an interpersonal level. More than  _ just  _ the muscle then. Good. “You can zone of truth me if you wanna homie, but I’d rather not do it in the middle of the street.”

The two of them seemed to remember where they were. Magnus eyed Lup for a few more seconds before leaning back up to his full height. “Right. This way,”

The walk to Magnus’ home was short, though it seemed much longer walking silently between two people who’s mark she had previously kidnapped. She considered trying to lighten the mood with small talk but Magnus seemed a little too focused on their destination. Awkward silence it was then, until they approached a comfortably-sized cottage at the edge of town.

Magnus opened the door, gesturing them inside before shutting it behind them. Barry sent four globules of light into the dark room, and Magnus set about lighting a few oil lamps in spite of this. He then worked up a fire in the hearth, telling Lup to take a seat. The furniture was beautifully carved, even in the dull light. Magnus either had a lot of money or carpentry was his trade. Judging by his role in the rebellion, she suspected the latter. Barry sat as well, on the farthest end of the couch from Lup. When Magnus finally took a seat, it was in the chair across from her, his posture set.

“So. Dread Pirate.”

“Lup.” she corrected. “The Dread Pirate thing is- well, that’s a long story too. My name is Lup, let’s start with that.”

“I’m Magnus Burnsides, and Barry-” Magnus gestured to Barry.

“Bluejeans.” He said tiredly.

“I know,” Lup said. None of them had been particularly quiet when she was following them to rescue Taako. 

“It’s polite.” Magnus insisted.

“Right. Well, I need your help.”

Magnus grinned. “I know.”

“Okay yeah, good one there big guy, don’t you wanna know with what?”

“Yes.” Barry answered this time. “Is this about your brother?”

Lup froze. For a moment she’d forgotten that she’d shared some details with Barry before they fought. Even then, for him to remember...

“It is.”

“He’s Lord Taako, right?” Barry continued.

And for him to  _ connect.  _ Lup swallowed. “He is.”

Barry leaned back, half-burying his face in his hand. “ _ That’s _ why you were so insistent about getting the Lord. Jeez, I must have seemed like a real jerk huh?”

“No it- it was nice of you to offer your help find my brother after everything. Even though  _ yeah, _ kinda needed Taako.”

“Taako’s your  _ brother?”  _

Lup turned back to Magnus. “Yes. So you can kind of see why I need to get him back. The prince is holding him hostage, more or less.”

“Kravitz said something like that.” Magnus cocked his head to the side. “I guess I can kinda see it.”

“ _ Kinda?”  _ Lup raised her eyebrows.  __ “We’re twins my man, you might want to get your eyes checked.”

“Maybe it was the mask.”

“I’m not wearing a mask now!”

“Well I’m not seeing Taako now!”

“Which brings us back to the point. I need your help with the rescue.” She continued. “I can’t just sneak in and grab him myself. Security has been heightened since you fellows’ last attempt. As far as I know, you’re the only ones who have managed to kidnap him before. With your help I should be able to get him away from the prince, even with the security.”

Barry stroked his face thoughtfully, brows furrowing again. “If that’s the case, we should probably get Kravitz in on this too. He’s been concerned about Taako ever since finding out about the political hostage situation.” Barry laughed quietly “Right before you knocked him out and ran off with Taako.”

“Oh come on,” Lup twisted so she lay across the couch, legs swinging over the armrest. The couch was long enough that her head was nowhere  _ near  _ Barry’s lap, but he seemed startled by the proximity anyway. “That’s totally unfair. I  _ outsmarted  _ him, I didn’t knock him out.”

“Just the same,” Barry explained, “I think he has a bit of a- a  _ vendetta  _ against you. Maybe bitter that you beat him at a wager. You might be a little hard to explain.”

“I told him you were cool!” Magnus defended, “He wouldn’t listen! Even though you left us all alive! So uh, Barry’s right. He’ll be totally on board with saving Taako, but we might have to be...tactful about filling him in.”

Lup smiled at Magnus, his hulking figure dwarfing the chair he’d presumable built himself. As likable as he was, she somehow doubted  _ tact  _ was among his skillsets. “So we get Kravitz on board. I assume he’s the brains of the operation?”

“I mean, if  _ you aren’t.”  _ Magnus shrugged his shoulders. “It’ll probably be a joint effort if you guys can get along. Two heads are better than one and all that.”

Lup nodded thoughtfully, and sat back up. “Thank you. I know you guys have a lot on your hands with the rebellion, so- thank you. For agreeing to help me.”

“No problem,” Magnus said cheerfully. “Honestly, it’s probably still in our best interest to fuck shit up with the prince’s wedding, even if he manages to spin things in his favor like last time. And like I said, Kravitz has been keen on getting Taako out of there himself. He’s a victim of the current government just as much as the rest of us.” 

Lup smiled, rolling her eyes. “I wouldn’t go that far. I’m sure my jerk brother has managed to sit pretty these past few years, even if he is in a cage. But he does still need busted out.”

“You’re right,” Magnus said, and moved to work with the fire in the hearth. “We’ll meet to talk to Kravitz tomorrow. Barry, can you send him a message?”

“Yeah, of course,” Barry said, then looked at Lup, considering. “I’ll be vague.”

Magnus bellowed out a laugh. If his house wasn’t so far on the outskirts of town, Lup would be worried about waking his neighbors. “Cryptic is more like it with your track record. But go for it.” He turned to Lup. “Do you have a place to stay for the night?”

“I’m staying at an inn in town actually. Already bought my room.”

“Okay.” Magnus stood up straight, his head nearly brushing the ceiling. “Then we’ll see you tomorrow, at the Davy Lamp. Barry’ll let you know when.”

“Sounds good.” Lup rolled herself off of the couch. Magnus’ house was incredibly homey. Or maybe it was that she hadn’t really been in a  _ home _ since her Auntie’s. She nodded at Magnus, then Barry. “See you tomorrow then.” She shot them a wink as she walked out the front door, doing her best not to show how high the stakes had been for her. 

Lup breathed a sigh of relief as she started on the path back into town. That  _ literally  _ couldn’t have gone better. She was struck again by the goodness of Taako’s once-kidnappers. Once they pulled this off, she would owe them big time.

Looking back at Magnus’ house, she thought maybe she did already.

-

Lup’s meeting had her up early the next morning. She’d received an arcane message almost as soon as she’d woken up, and made her way to the Davy Lamp when the sun was still straining to share its first rays of the day.

The first person she saw when she entered the bar’s cellar was Kravitz, leaning against a keg and apparently waiting for her. His arms were crossed, and he didn’t exactly look pleased, but at least he had agreed to a meeting. Barry and Magnus were with him, the latter sitting on a crate that looked like it might snap if he shifted and carving something from a hand-sized chunk of wood. Barry stood, looking decidedly anxious. He seemed anxious a lot. It made Lup wonder what a guy like him was doing at the forefront of the revolution.

Kravitz’s face was calculating, fluctuating between accusatory and understanding. “Well. It’s about time you and I had a chat.” He said finally.

“Hail and well met,” Lup greeted, and leaned up against the opposite wall. “Again.”

“Again indeed.”

“So,” Lup said, once it became clear that Kravitz wasn’t going to take the reins on this one. “What do you know?”

“I’ve had a rundown,” Kravitz answered, “but I’d like to hear it from you.”

“Right. So, my brother,” Lup snapped a set of finger guns in his direction. “He’s being held against his will by the prince. I need to get him out of there, obviously, but they’ve amped the security around the castle since your last stunt. I need a team to get him out without a bounty on his head, and as far as I know you’re the only ones who’ve managed to kidnap him before.” She paused. “I mean, besides me. So I need your help.”

Kravitz soaked in her words, then sighed. “I didn’t believe them when they said that Lord Taako was your brother, but-” he gestured exasperatedly towards her with one hand, the other still braced across his chest. “The resemblance is uncanny.” He blinked, and Lup had the distinct impression that he had cast true sight on himself. “And you’re not using a disguise. I don’t know how I didn’t see it before.”

“The mask covers you more than you’d think.” Lup said simply.

“You’re a  _ pirate.”  _ Kravitz said.

“I mean, for a little while.”

“The  _ Dread Pirate Roberts _ .” Kravitz accused bluntly. In his defense, the Dread Pirate Roberts had technically been roaming the seas for decades. That was more than a little while.

“Okay well, yes,  _ one _ of them.”

Kravitz made a pained expression, running a hand down his face. “I hate this. I literally hate everything about this.”

“Hey, at least you can stop worrying about Taako if we’re gonna get him out.” Magnus reminded him.

“And that makes me feel so much better about fraternizing with a  _ pirate. _ ”

“Okay, listen. I’m not really a pirate.” Lup insisted. “Sure, I’ve done a little piracy _ ,  _ but that’s not the endgame plan. Taako and I don’t have any wicked intent or what have you.”

“It’s the principle.” Kravitz insisted right back. “Furthermore, it’s a matter of _ability._ We were able to get to him before, but that was before the increased security measures, as you said. And that was when we had the rebellion’s-” Kravitz cut himself off, and continued carefully. “resources on our side. I’m not sure I could write the Raven Crown to ask for the means to assist a pirate, and in case you weren’t able to tell, the rebellion’s got their hands a bit full trying to keep Phandolin’s crown from making more victims while everyone’s distracted by the fanfare of a royal wedding.” 

“Which is exactly why I’m not going in alone.” Lup pushed herself off the wall. She didn’t like being reminded that things weren’t all that easy, especially by someone who wasn’t Taako. She was used to rushing ahead, doing the impossible because she _could._ Sometimes she needed someone to grab her by the collar to stop her from getting herself killed, but it was still a harsh truth. “Look, I know this won’t be as easy as it was last time, but no guard is infallible.” She tapped the side of her head. “Between your brain and mine, we’ll figure something out. I bet we could even put a dent in the court while we’re at it, if that’s a better motivator.”

“A hostage situation is plenty of motivation.” Magnus chimed in again. 

“I appreciate your input, Magnus, but there are more people at risk here.”

“And like Lup said, we can figure something out for that too.” He stood up from the crate, something Lup was sure the crate would have been grateful for if it was sentient. “With Lup’s help, our shot at the castle will be better than ever! You saw what she’s capable of.”

Lup did her best not to preen, at the compliment or the victory. He was right after all. This was a mutually beneficial partnership.

Before Kravitz could say much more, Lup heard footsteps starting down the cellar stairs. She turned to see the same woman she had seen the night before at the bar, pulling a sealed envelope from her skirt pocket.

“Hey boys,” she greeted Barry and Magnus, and after a moment of likely assessing the room, to Lup. “And you are?”

“Hey Ren!” Magnus replied. Barry said hello as well, but it fell quietly beneath Magnus’ greeting. 

“Lup.” she answered.

Ren cocked her head thoughtfully for a moment. “Nice to meet you.”

“You bring news?” Kravitz asked, drawing the woman’s attention back to the letter in her hands.

“Right,” the woman handed him the envelope. “From the palace. Thought you’d be the best to deal with this one.”

“Thank you,” Kravitz said.

“You’re welcome.” Ren turned to survey the room again. “Anything I should hear about here?”

“Nothing vital,” Kravitz answered.

“Good. I gotta get back to the kitchens before his royal whine-ness notices his pet’s lunch is late.” Ren shuddered, then turned back to the stairwell and nodded once more in Lup’s direction. “Nice to meet you, again.”

“Same” Lup answered. She, Barry, and Magnus turned to Kravitz.

Kravitz was quiet for a minute, reading what was apparently a rather wordy report. Lup had always figured that rebellion messages would be quick and to the point, but she supposed she’d never been part of a rebellion before. 

“Well?” Barry asked, after Kravtiz’s eyes had stopped scanning the letter.

Kravitz sat down on a spare crate, the smallest smile of disbelief crossing his face. He looked like he was about to laugh. “Well,” he finally said, “looks like we’ll be pulling this little rescue mission after all.” He held up the letter. “Apparently you’re not the only one lobbying for Taako’s freedom.”

Lup couldn’t read the small, looping script from this distance, but she didn’t have to.

At the bottom of the letter was the symbol of the rebellion.


	6. Correspondence

Four weeks after his kidnapping Taako received a letter. That in itself was not unusual. Taako from _ Sizzle it Up _ received heaps of fanmail, and  _ Lord Taako  _ some on top of that. What was out of the ordinary was how the letter arrived.

Lucretia had found him in the library and handed him a small binding of written pages to read over before she moved them forward to be published, as she sometimes did when fabricating something especially personal or unusual. Taako had rolled his eyes, leaned back in his arm chair and started flipping through the pages as she left the room, hoping to skim for whatever she was unsure about. Instead, a small, sealed envelope fell onto his lap. 

The wax was pressed without a seal, and there was no name addressed on the outside. Taako thought for a moment that maybe it was Luretia’s, but in all the years he had known her he could never recall her  _ misplacing  _ anything. And if not, well, it was really on her for tossing such a good opportunity to snoop right in his lap. No one could blame him.

Taako opened the envelope. 

Inside was a single page, etched with dark ink in an unfamiliar hand. The writing was slanted, stilted, and signed with a K. It didn’t take much to put the pieces together.

Kravitz  _ had  _ talked about wanting to get him out of the situation with Prince Brian. Taako figured it was just talk. But apparently the man was doing his best to stay true to his word, even if his kidnapping had kind of fallen apart.

The letter didn’t reveal much, and much of what Taako could pick up was pieced together through prior knowledge. The resources at Kravitz’ disposal, he could infer, were the rebellion’s. The rebellion’s involvement was also likely why Kravitz was being so vague about the details. Any correspondence intercepted could have disastrous consequences for the rebellion and the Raven Crown if anything incriminating was recorded. Kravitz was really sticking his neck out for him. Good thing he didn’t have to.

Taako wrote an answering letter, bubbling out his handwriting to be as unrecognizable as possible. He was already in enough hot water simply on merit of being the people’s distraction, he didn’t need to get caught in allegiance with the rebellion. Besides, Lup was coming for him anyway. As noble as it was for Kravitz to want to rescue him, Taako was sure he was covered on that front. He burned Kravitz’s letter, slipped his own between Lucretia’s revised papers, and passed it back to the good ol’ scribe.

Two days later he received another letter.

Correspondence continued, snippets of clarification made between each exchange. Taako wanted to scream at the antics his sister was apparently getting up to without him, enlisting the help of his former captors and the rebellion for her daring rescue plan. The details of said plan were limited, as well as her presence in the letters. The Dread Pirate Roberts was too well known among commonor and lord alike. Her association with the rebellion could be even more dangerous for them than an attempt to kidnap the prince’s fiance. Instead Kravitz remained Taako’s primary source of information, as limited as it was, intercepted between pages of pretending to be good friends. Another precaution, in case of interception. Taako had to admit he didn’t mind though. After so many years with hardly any company past those loyal to his unbearable fiance, he was grateful for Kravitz’ conversation, even if it came through written word. Sometimes Taako would send him letters just to complain.

“If I didn’t know that the court had the  _ message  _ spell monitored within the castle I would rip up every second letter a day” Lucretia said quietly one evening as they worked on their stories. “There is no reason for you two to be this excessive.” Her voice was strikingly deadpan, but it usually was, and there was a barely-detectable humor behind her eyes as she said it. Taako had simply rolled his own eyes and pulled her journal away from her to read through what she had written for the week. Sue him for trying to branch out a little. He was finally feeling up to it for the first time in years.

Besides. He...liked Kravitz. First and foremost, he was incredibly entertaining to tease; he knew that from when he’d first been kidnapped. Kravitz’s reactions to his prodding were easily-frustrated without tipping into wrathful, even when they were enemies and Taako was trying his best to get under his skin. Every vein that had swelled in Kravitz’s forehead felt like an accomplishment. More importantly it felt like a laugh he wouldn’t have to pay dearly for. Kravitz was kind. 

He was also refined, and intelligent, and  _ funny  _ much to Taako’s surprise, even through writing. And beyond that, Kravitz had Lup’s approval. Maybe not in the way he was thinking, but Lup approved of Kravitz at least enough to work with him, to ask him for help.

And maybe, okay, maybe Taako had the tiniest hint of a  _ crush,  _ but it wasn’t anything serious! Definitely not serious enough for Lucretia to call him out on it. He was just happy to have someone he could finally talk to about all the bullshit going on in the court without having to worry about them turning tail and snitching to Brian or Governor Kalen. 

The evening after Lucretia’s little quip she slid another journal to read through under his door. Taako left the journal on his bedside table and snuck the letter into his robes. He had a servant draw up a bath, enjoyed that thoroughly, poured himself a glass of wine, and settled comfortably into bed before opening the letter, smile already in place before reading so much as the salutation. 

Taako paused before reading the letter, dropping the hand that held it to his chest. Through the paper and his nightclothes, he could feel his heart beating.

_ Shit. _

-

Kravitz wanted to date Lup’s brother. Lup was sure of it, even though Kravitz had sputtered and defended at the very suggestion. _This correspondence is strictly professional, Lup!_ Okay. That’s why you’re sending at least a letter per day. That’s why Taako is sending just as much _back._

Lup couldn’t be sure of Taako’s feelings. She hated to think about how the years apart might have changed him, and maybe excessive exchange of letters was just how things worked when you were a bored nobleman with all the resources for it at your fingertips. Maybe this was his usual now.

Still, Lup wasn’t quite ready to scribble out the possibility altogether. She hadn’t experienced Taako with a crush since they were teenagers, but the fact that he was giving this man as much attention as he was had to mean something. So she kept an eye on Kravitz. He was plenty handsome, and plenty  _ good  _ if his role in the rebellion was anything to go off of.

Kravitz was not pushed into involvement by desperation, as so many were. He wasn’t even from Phandalin. Maybe it was an order from his queen, but the fact that this foreign nobleman was willing to put himself at risk for the sake of a common people that weren’t even his reflected well. He was smart too, even if she had bested him with her poison bluff. Since she’d left her ship and started working with the rebellion, Kravitz was almost her favorite person to talk to, when he wasn’t fawning over her brother. Still, he was a little  _ straight-lace  _ for her tastes, rebel or not. There were others she liked to talk to more.

“ _ Where  _ did you get this?” Lup reached across the makeshift table, grabbing Barry’s wand out of his hand. His  _ bone  _ wand. Lup preferred Barry’s company even to that of Kravitz, even to Magnus _ ,  _ who was always down to blow shit up at a moment’s notice whenever she was bored. But Barry was smart in a different way, an arcane genius masked behind the lack of social aptitude that so many other wizards tended to possess. He was also far less boring, as Lup learned more and more as the weeks passed.

“It’s um-” Barry reached across the table, trying to take back his wand. Lup leaned out of his reach, a wicked grin on her face.

“Barry,” she sang, “I’m a pirate Barry, you can tell me if you murdered someone!”

"I didn't- I didn't! I mean," he looked slightly uncomfortable, "It was nothing premeditated." He muttered.

"I knew it!" Lup gripped the wand tighter, smile nearly splitting her face in two. Coming from anyone else, she might not have been as thrilled, but this was the person who hadn't wanted to fight a pirate until they recovered from exhaustion. Whoever he’d taken down definitely had it coming. "Spill the beans, Bluejeans!"

"I was doing like- a dungeon crawl, sort of, with some guys I used to know. Magnus was one of them. And uh- this necromancer jumped us- you know how it is, and I just- uh, whoosh." He held his hand up in a pantomime of a spell. A more ridiculous motion than it should have been, considering that Lup was still holding his wand. She handed it back as he continued. "He was really kind of easy to beat, considering the level dungeon he was in, but he did have some, uh nasty zombies…" Barry trailed off a bit, like he'd caught himself rambling. Lup didn't mention that she could probably listen to him ramble for  _ days.  _ She had an image to uphold after all.

"Anyway, uh" he continued, "he had this wand, and it was pretty well made, so I just. Took it."

"Barry, are you telling me you looted a body?" she teased.

"I thought I was talking to a pirate."

Lup draped herself across the table again, this time for the drama of it all. "Oh you are, but even I never stooped so low as to-" she grinned "Okay yeah, shit, I can't even say that with a straight face. Good on you Barry!" She sat back up to offer him a high five, which he returned only somewhat hesitantly. "What I'm more concerned about is that you didn't make your own focus! Didn't your mom ever teach you to do your own work?"

"My mom wasn't a wizard," Barry answered. "What do you mean?"

Lup pulled her own wand out from behind her ear. It was a gnarled thing- straight enough, but with the knotted indication of sub-branches having once sprouted from the wood. “I made this when I was like, fifteen." She handed it to Barry to examine, pretending her stomach didn't curl the moment the familiar wood left her fingertips. "It's not half as sophisticated as something you might buy from a real artificer, but I bet yours doesn't have a thing on my spell dc. There's not a chance my magic is gonna get fucked up through the focus because it  _ made  _ the focus. It can't get confused that way."

Barry arched a brow, smiling slightly. "Confused?"

"Redirected, influenced, whatever. What it means is that when your spell goes into that thing-" she gestured to his bone wand, which okay, still gnarly as hell, but that was besides the point. "-It has to go through like, an  _ echo  _ of whatever magic made it, which can warp the spell and lower its dc. Especially if it was made with a different school of magic."

"Have you ever  _ tried  _ a bone wand?"

"Trust me Barry, our Auntie taught us this."

“Did she teach you two magic?”

Lup hesitated for only a moment, out of habit more than anything. She didn’t normally  _ do  _ backstory when it didn’t serve a purpose, but Barry made her want to talk just for the sake of it. It wouldn’t be the end of the world for someone to be walking around the world knowing her, if it was him. “She taught us  _ everything.  _ How to cook, how to sew- and magic, natch. After everything, she uh- I don’t know how much longer we would have lasted without her, if I’m being honest.”

“She sounds wonderful.”

“She practically raised us,” Lup leaned back, “so you have her to thank for this fucking-  _ Legend _ before you today, Barry. Wouldn’t be anywhere without her spellcraft.”

"So you're telling me I should make my own wand.” Barry laughed.

"Yeess," Lup drew out the word sardonically, "especially if we're going to storm the castle Barry, I don't even know how you did so well against me."

Barry coughed. "Well, you still beat me. And you were- you had just scaled the Cliffs of Insanity."

"And  _ you _ gave me a chance to catch my breath." Lup sighed. "Seriously, thank you for that. I know it didn't end up making that much of a difference in the long run, but- it was a cool move. Thanks."

Lup wasn't good with apologies, or gratitude, as Barry had learned the past few weeks. The fact that she was going out of her way to thank him now- it was something. It made his hands twitch. "Um-uh- you're, it's-you're welcome." He said quickly. "You-uum, you could- teach me to make my own wand, if you made yours. And you said- if you made it when you were fifteen and you wanted to upgrade too."  _ Shit,  _ what was he thinking? Lup was already busy enough with helping the rebellion, she didn't need a  _ pet project.  _ And she'd probably made her wand when her Aunt was still around, she wouldn't want an  _ upgrade- _

"Sure thing homie. Can’t have my teammate getting his ass kicked in the castle just cause he doesn’t know how to make his own bone wand.” She pulled her own wand from behind her ear again, twisting it between her fingers. “Should probably update this thing too.” Barry tried not to let his heart flutter at the way she smiled at him, wicked and excited. “This is gonna take some major arcana prep Barry. You up for a challenge?”

“Always,” he answered, before he could feel his nerves set in. He was starting to think he was up for anything if Lup was involved. That probably wasn’t a good sign. But her smile widened at his answer, so he couldn’t bring himself to regret it.

“Then let’s hit the books.”

-

Two days later Lup met Barry at his home to work on their wands. They picked up materials from an arcana shop that Barry swore was reliable but Lup was pretty sure was run by a witch. She had plenty of spell components though, and several bleached elk bones that would work perfect for their focuses. So Lup bought her materials without haggling too much and they made their way back to Barry’s house.

Lup hadn’t been there many times before. She was staying with Magnus as she worked on a plan to bust her brother out of the castle, and most of the time she’d spent with Barry had been there or during the head and tail ends of rebellion meetings. 

Barry’s house- in the typical fashion of someone who wasn’t a noble or a carpenter, didn’t have very many rooms. The living space functioned dually as a kitchen and a dining room with no real living room to speak of, and the back room housed a bed and a small work desk where he studied magic and anything important. While there was plenty of room for the spellwork at the kitchen table, the area wasn’t exactly spacious, not that Lup minded. She and Taako’s happiest home had not been much bigger, and they had never lived alone. Lup figured that if the spellwork required to artifice the wand was going to get dicy, they could take things outside. Until then she was perfectly content to work at her wand at Barry’s side, sitting just far enough away to give her elbows some room.

It was much more difficult to carve than she had remembered. Her previous wand was really the only craftwork she’d ever done, and she’d had her Aunt beside her then, guiding her hands with soft nudges, a gentle voice.

She wasn’t as good a carver, let alone a teacher. Barry worked carefully on his own wand with a level of skill she could only assume he’d picked up from Magnus. Lup felt her own bone splinter again.

“Damnit!”

Barry startled at the noise, handing her another bone from the small pile between them. It had been his idea to purchase a few extra, worried he would make mistakes and have to start over. “It’s okay. At least we have backups, right?”

“Sure,” Lup answered. “I’m just glad we don’t have to go back to that creepy shopkeeper. I’m pretty sure she was immortal. Which, like cool, yeah, but I don’t trust the source of these bones.

Barry smiled. “I think human bones are a little smaller.”

“Maybe they’re giant bones.  _ Magnus  _ bones, have you thought of that? What if we’re making wands out of our friend?”

“We saw Magnus yesterday.” There was a humor in Barry’s eyes that made the failed attempts scattered around Lup feel a lot less frustrating. She was glad to have a break from worrying about the rebellion.

“Have we seen Magnus since we bought the bones? Checkmate.” She raised the bone, along with her knife, against her chest. “Oh Magnus, I’m so sorry. But I’ll make you into a killer fuckin wand, cross my heart.” She pulled the knife against the side of the bone, flinching when a bigger chunk than intended was carved away. It was still very much salvageable though.

In the end Lup was glad to be finished with the actual carving. The spell work came far more naturally to her than hacking away at bone ever would, and it certainly didn’t hurt that she could use the opportunity to show off to Barry. Not that she needed to impress him in particular, she just liked showing off. The way his eyes lit up when she helped him finally comprehend the spellwork, wide and intelligent and confident, definitely didn’t do anything for her and she absolutely was not thinking about it for the rest of the night.

It was late by the time they finished. They’d both burned quite a few higher level spell slots for the artificing, but Lup was far from needing to rest. She admired her wand against the lamplight, leaning into Barry’s space to get the best angle. It really did look rad as hell. 

“Okay, maybe the bones weren’t such a bad idea.” Lup admitted.

“You never said they were,” Barry laughed.

“Yeah, but I was thinking it,” Lup stood, cracking her joints before glancing out the back door. “Come on Barry, let’s test these bad boys out.”

It was cool outside, which Lup supposed was to be expected. It was dark too though, which made it the perfect conditions to get a feel for the effects of her new wand.

“Uh, so do you want to try out a cantrip, or-” Barry didn’t get a chance to voice the rest of his question before he was almost blown backwards with the force of the massive burst of flame channeled through Lup’s wand, directly at the sky.

“Fuck yeah, that’s a fire ball baby!”

“Holy shit,” Barry choked out.

“What, too much? That was only second level dude,” she tossed her wand casually into her other hand. “Not bad for a first shot.”

Lup’s eyes were wide, her hair disheveled from both the day of artificing and the force of the magic she had just conjured. Barry felt like he was watching a raging fire without any of the fear. She was resplendent,  _ alive.  _ It shook Barry more than any rebellion battle.

“You gonna try yours out, man?”

Barry turned away sharply, praying that he hadn’t been so obvious as to be caught staring. “Uh, right, yeah.” He took a slow breath, willing his hands to stop shaking before he cast. Lup was going to be the death of him. Before he could overthink it too much, Barry shot a simple spell into the sky as Lup had done. She’d been right about the arcane focus.

“Well?”

“It's amazing Lup, I- I couldn’t explain it.”

Lup grinned. “Told ya. I’ll feel a lot better now that I won’t be fighting beside some dingus with a barely-attuned focus.”

Barry rubbed at his neck. “Right, well. Thank you. I feel a lot less like a dingus now.”

“Do you wanna get a drink?” The words were out of Lup’s mouth before she could catch them, leaving her chest buzzing. There was nothing wrong with a little casual flirting. Besides, it's not like they hadn’t drunk together before, with the Davy Lamp being the rebellion’s base of operations. It would just be the first time she’d asked him to  _ go  _ there. Which was still perfectly casual. “Or we could keep blasting off spells, whatever.”

“Uh, a drink. Sounds good. After- you know we were at the workbench all day.”

“Right. We gotta blow off steam,” Lup slung her arm over Barry’s shoulders, masking her relief at his agreement. Lup didn’t usually have to worry about that kind of rejection. “You can buy the first round as thanks for your sick new wand.”

The two made their way to the Davy Lamp in casual conversation. In a few weeks, Lup would have her brother back. They’d leave the country, if that’s what he wanted. Lup ignored how much that thought was starting to sting. She could enjoy the present. She owed herself that much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This dnd lore is Not Canon I’m just making stuff up as an excuse for blupjeans dates.


	7. The Raid

Taako had never felt so stir crazy in all the years since he was made a lord. The letters from Kravitz and occasionally Lup kept him from crafting an impromptu rope from his curtains and making a break for it, but every other moment within the castle was spent like one imprisoned. The fact that he had less freedom that ever before wasn’t even his main concern. Taako knew his sister was out there now. He had more reason than ever to want to leave. It was going to drive him insane.

It didn’t help that his wedding was fast approaching either. Any information on his rescue remained under wraps even to him at the risk of the letters being intercepted, and the uncertainty did not feel great. He supposed it was possible that they were going to try to break him out after his wedding once things had blown over, but Taako desperately hoped his sister would know him better than that. He did  _ not  _ want to be married, even if the ceremony should really mean fuck all to him. But the possibility... Lup had been gone for years. Maybe she’d forgotten what he was like, why something like that would bother him so much.

Taako buried his head in his hands. He  _ wasn’t  _ going to cry in the royal library. He didn’t know how Lucretia would react if she found him, but he didn’t want to find out.

He should never have left _.  _ Lup had been gone, and it had been devastating, but he shouldn’t have left their Aunt’s house. That was the first place she had come back to. If he had stayed there, he could have had her back years ago, and they could have traveled  _ together.  _ They could have become unrivaled in the arcane arts if that was what they still wanted, or they could have made  _ Sizzle it Up _ worldwide. Lup would have never let him fall into this engagement in the first place. He wouldn’t have let  _ himself  _ fall into it if she’d still been with him.

But instead he left _._ He ran from any memories of his sister and let himself get roped into a situation he would kill to forget. He was sitting in the library of a man he resented because he was too much of a coward to fight it on his own. He was _trapped,_ and it was his own damn fault, because-

“Taako?”

Scratch what he said about Lucretia finding him. He would rather that she had, would rather anyone have found him than  _ him.  _ Taako did his best to wipe his eyes covertly.

“Brian what are you doing in the library? I didn’t know you could read!”

The Prince’s face fell only slightly. “I’m a wizard darling, and this is my library.” He made his way across the room, Taako’s hair standing more on end with every inch closer he came. Brian draped himself into the lounge chair next to Taako’s. “What seems to have ‘got your goat’, friend? Is the stress of wedding planning getting to you?”

Taako laughed dryly. That was the least of it. “Sure dude, it’s not easy to plan an event for a couple hundred dignitaries. Almost like there’s usually two people doing this job.”

“Why Taako, dear, you had only to say the word! My princely duties keep me very busy, but you know I can always make time for my betrothed. It is my wedding too after all!”

“Not a chance. I’m not having cobwebs for streamers.”

“Then at least let me help you take a load off, hm? Let it out? I can be quite a good listener, you know.”

Taako glared. Brian had played this role early in their engagement, pretended to care about his well being like he wasn’t the one holding the axe over his head. He’d given up after a while, but here he was again. The man’s sense of right and wrong was as dependable as a roulette wheel, something Taako might not mind if half the spaces weren’t skulls and crossbows and the other half weren’t ‘turn a blind eye to the suffering of my subjects’. If he wasn’t an evil prince, Brian might actually be likeable, but as things were even his presence made Taako feel slightly nauseous.

“You’ve never let me get a word in and you know it.” Taako answered.

Brian raised a hand to his chest in dramatic offence. “A lover’s quarrel already? Darling, we haven’t even signed the papers yet!” The hand fell after a moment. “You know I do all I can to make your life comfortable, don’t you? The engagement, the death threats, that's all- politics” he waved his hand dismissively. “But you don’t have to be miserable here.”

“Tell that to my lost sister.” Taako mumbled.

“What was that?”

“Nothing.” Taako stood from his chair, heading straight for the library doors- which were promptly slammed in his face by a translucent mage hand. Taako turned around to see Brian standing as well.

“Taako, what is going on?” he began harshly. “You’ve been more irritable than ever since you were kidnapped.” He stepped forward, and his voice softened. “Are you afraid? Because I assure you we’ve taken countless precautions-”

“I’m not afraid of anything out there, you maniac,” Taako spat. “My  _ sister  _ is out there. The only thing ol’ Taako is  _ afraid  _ of is being stuck here.”

Brian cocked his head to the side. “Your...sister?”

“Yeah, fool, you didn’t see the resemblance?”

Brain’s face became calculating for a moment before realization quietly hit. “Ah. The Dread Pirate.”

“Yeah, sure, the Dread Pirate, my kidnapper, whatever. The person I’m having to live without because you locked me in this fucking castle.” His engagement ring burned on his hand like nothing he’d ever felt. He wanted to throw it across the room. 

“We can invite her to the wedding if that’s what you’re concerned about,” Brian said lightly.

_ Least of my concerns, yet again,  _ Taako thought. “Right, invite the Dread Pirate to your royal wedding. I’m sure that’ll go over great with P.R.” he said.

“I suppose you’re right,” Brian began to pace about the room, raising his bone-thin fingers to his lips. “But that won’t do. Bryan has dozens of siblings,” he added, “I let them all visit regularly. The dear would fall into the darkest of caverns without them.” Brian turned sharply in Taako’s direction. “No, no, I can’t have this. I can’t have a husband who would be happier somewhere else. Unless-” Brian begane pacing again, “No, of course your sister would be thrilled as well. The engagement would be through, but it’s coming to a close anyway, and the heartache- I’m sure that can be stretched out just as well until I find another groom,” He turned towards Taako a third time. “If your sister will come to retrieve you, you may go with her. Write her immediately.”

Taako, who had been lost watching Prince Brian mutter to himself for upwards of a minute, came to enough to respond. “What?”

“Your send off must be public, of course, and teary, and your sister cannot come here as the Dread Pirate,” Brian explained. “But a story like this-its just as good as a wedding. Better! And my dear Bryan-” he sniffled. “It’s one thing to keep you from the road, but I could never forgive myself if I’d kept you away from your sister.”

Taako stood in disbelief. “Are you fucking crying, my dude?”

Brian pulled out a fold of cloth and began wiping at his eyes. “And who would not!” he shook his head. “You must write to her. Wherever her ship is we will find it-” He stopped in front of the door. “This story will do more than enough for the public!” He exclaimed, and strode through it with an urgency only rivaled by when Bryan was feeling sick, leaving Taako alone and thoroughly flabbergasted in the royal library. So determined was he to send his Navy to find the ship of the Dread Pirate that he didn’t even notice Governor Kalen standing by the door.

Taako stared after his fiance, trying to work through what the man had said. He was going to let him go? All because he had a sibling and that played some obscure heartstring? It couldn’t be that easy. No. There had to be something else.

-

Governor Kalen slipped away from the library in the opposite direction from the prince. There was no reasoning with that maniac. He was going to cancel the wedding, the distraction the court had been pooling resources into for  _ years,  _ on a frivolous whim. He discovered he had the perfect bait for the Dread Pirate, a criminal who had terrorized the coast of Phandalin for decades, and was just going to hand the bait over? He was going to let disrest in royal affairs rekindle that disrest in the kingdom. He was going to throw  _ everything  _ away, like he had a hundred times before, because he was a brainless  _ fool  _ with the divine right to do so.

The divine right was outdated.

Kalen had scraped his way higher and higher, carved the way for others in the court at the expense of his pride. He had killed for order, so that a prince’s fantasies need not be entertained. But no one would stop Brian. No one would ever stop him. The most the court had ever done was call for a royal engagement when their seats were at risk, one that they allowed to be dragged out for years because they didn’t want to pressure the prince. 

Kalen yanked open the door to his study, slamming it behind him as he settled at his desk. The red marks on the map before him only stoked the fire in him.

The people of the court were just as foolish as the prince, and twice as blind. They’d fallen victim to their own ruse, forgotten that the wedding was nothing more than a distraction. They’d focused more and more of their resources around the castle, leaving military outposts skeletons of themselves. They’d forgotten about the rebellion bubbling higher and higher under their own goddamn feet.

But not Kalen, no, there wasn’t a thing that escaped his notice. There weren’t two points in the world that he failed to connect. Such as the Dread Pirate and the sister of the Lord Taako. Such as their reunion and the increase in rebellion activity.

He did not recognize the correlation immediately, he would admit. He had been blinded by his outrage at his own court, certain that the rebellion’s recent success was due to poor planning on the part of his prince and his peers. But their success was disproportionate, their tactics too perfect. There was another player. There had to be.

It didn’t take long after that for Kalen to recognize who that player was. The Dread Pirate was far too alike Lord Taako even by the mere moments Kalen has seen her, and far too willing to fight an army for what by the Pirate’s riches should have been a minor bounty. 

Her tactical style was recognizable, once he’d made that connection, and she had plenty of motivation to work with the rebellion when her brother was held prisoner by the court. 

_ No.  _ No, Brian wouldn’t get the chance. Kalen would not allow him to throw away what the court had been working towards for the last three years. What  _ he  _ had been working for. The marriage could offer more than a distraction, not that those fools could think beyond their own seats. The tragedy of losing a husband was enough to spark conquest. The presence of foreign guests was enough to direct it. And the Prince, as small minded as any other, was going to just give him away, and to a Pirate no less. She was right under their noses, tearing the Kingdom apart, and the Prince was just going to give her what she wanted without even knowing what he was giving away. Kalen’s hand tightened against the wood of his desk.

The Pirate was smart, but not as smart as him. Her attacks had a pattern, just like Burnsides’ in Raven’s Roost. Kalen had done far worse to keep order among the courts. All he needed was to find the rebellion’s next strike.

Kalen studied his maps well into the night, palmed through reports filed in his desk, thought, and strategized, and  _ found. _

And he knew what needed to be done. 

-

Lup pressed herself tight against the back of the wall surrounding the military supply outpost. Barry was close to her right, set to lead the others back to the rebellion’s base with stolen supplies after Lup and a few others liberated it from inside. Stealth had never been her preferred approach, but she was finding it more and more useful since returning to land, and especially since joining the rebellion. She was just grateful she had taken a few rogue levels back when she was becoming the Dread Pirate. They were pretty useful now, she had to admit.

Most of the rebellion’s work involved operations like this, liberating weapons more than actually using them. The foodstock recovered certainly didn’t hurt either, with so many of Phandalin’s people going hungry under the ever-increasing army tax. Getting Phandalin’s people the things they needed to survive was more important than blasting some military dogs, as fun as that was.

So Lup waited for Magnus’ signal. He was within the outpost now, pretending to be a soldier. He was friendly enough to talk himself into nearly anywhere, especially when so much of the army’s usual manpower was concentrated around the castle in preparation for the wedding.

Lup waited until she heard a heavy sound against the inside of the wooden gate at the back of the outpost. Magnus had cracked the lock, falling heavily against the door in signal. A few moments later, he moved on to harness attention somewhere else. Lup slid through the door, careful not to catch the hooks of her own stolen military-issue armor. 

Others would be sneaking in soon. Carey Fangbattle, another rebellion rogue who far outclassed anyone Lup had ever encountered, was already inside the main stock room, preparing what they would need to transport. Lup needed to get there without being seen, or at the very least without being noticed as out of the ordinary. She was pretty damn charismatic herself, but Taako was always the talker between the two of them. There was only so much she could do if a real soldier started questioning her.

Finally, Lup made it across the muddy ground of the courtyard, pulling open the door to the storage rooms as inconspicuously as she could. Carey was inside, having already stacked what she could into bags of holding and what she couldn’t into boxes for transport.

“How do things look?” Lup whispered.

“Not as good as I hoped. They’re probably hoarding things up on castle grounds.” Carey scoffed. “They’ll even let their own men starve.”

“Weapons?” 

Carey’s face darkened. “Hardly a thing in here, but I saw the soldiers on my way in. I don’t know what these guys are expecting, but if things go south they have their weapons on hand.”

Lup hefted two bags onto her shoulder. “Then we won’t let things go south,” she assured.

It was at that moment they heard a familiar, booming voice swear, loud enough to be heard across the courtyard.

Carey drew her knives, already halfway out the door. “What was that again about things going south?”

“Then we’ll blast ‘em” Lup corrected, pulling her wand out of her holster. The smooth, pale surface was unfamiliar against her fingertips, but it thrummed with the power of a maker many years stronger. She rushed out after Carey.

Magnus was in the thick of it, surrounded by soldiers who he’d presumably been trying to distract. So much for that plan. 

Lup shot a fireball at the soldiers far enough from Magnus that she didn’t have to worry about him getting caught in the crossfire. Carey was already joining him among the soldiers, and her partner, Killian, was quickly approaching the fight from where she’d been stationed outside the encampment. “What happened?” she shouted.

“I don’t know!” Lup answered. They couldn’t have expected them.  _ They couldn’t.  _ But between the readied weapons and timely attack, there was no way they hadn’t. Someone was in the know. What was worse, someone in power was still paying attention to the rebellion’s actions, not distracted at all by the wedding. A crossbow bolt shot through Lup’s shoulder as she shot another spell in the direction of the chaos. “Damn it!”

“We’ve just gotta hold them off and not get captured,” Killian growled. She shot her own bolt into the mass of soldiers, twice as large as the one that had struck Lup. The others wouldn’t be far behind. Barry would take over directing as much supplies out of the camp as they could manage before they needed to retreat. A soldier rushed towards Lup, landing a nasty strike against her leg. So much for rogue levels.

The fight went on back and forth, Lup doing her best to supply support magic without getting herself killed. And she hit hard and often, magic coursing smoothly through her focus like nothing ever had. Whether it was the bone material or the development of her artificing she couldn’t be sure.

But doing damage didn’t do much good when you were failing your saving throws. Lup took down a decent few soldiers, but she was on her last leg when pitch black fell over her field of vision. She heard Barry call out to her, hopefully after having gotten the bulk of the supplies out of the camp. “Lup, now! We’re getting out!” Lup stumbled towards Barry’s voice as the sounds of panicked soldiers filled the blindness around her.

The rest happened devastatingly fast. Lup pushed herself out of the field of darkness only to crash into something  _ hard  _ as the light blinded her in its place. Thick hands restrained her arms, and before she could even begin to shake them, she felt a heavy, final blow against her head.

And there was darkness again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops sloppy plans reflecting My irl inability to strategize a revolution. Please don’t take this too seriously lol.


	8. The Machine

When Lup woke up she was underground, and she was not alone.

For a moment in the darkness she saw the reflection of glasses off some unseen source of light, and she thought she was with Barry. Then she felt the leather straps binding her to the hard wooden surface she was laying on, and she realized that couldn’t possibly be the case. The face moved, and the features shifted into clarity. 

“Good,” the man said in a nasally voice, pulling away from Lup, “You’re awake.”

“Who the hell are you?”

The man scoffed and stepped away. Lup couldn’t see where he’d gone in the darkness, but he was back mere seconds later holding what looked in the almost indiscernible light like a writing tablet and a bottle _.  _ “I think it would be a bit smarter to ask  _ where _ you are.”

“Would you answer me?” she shot back.

“No,” The man answered, pouring some of the bottle’s contents into a rag and pressing it to her forehead. Lup growled.

“Calm down, it’s just disinfectant.” The man said, and moved the cloth over the crossbow wound in her shoulder. Apparently she hadn’t gotten to a healer after the raid.

“I’m Doctor Miller,” the man said after another moment, like he couldn’t stand the thought of someone not knowing his name.

“I’m gonna have your head, you know that?” Lup threatened.

The doctor flinched, still pressing alcohol to her wounds. “Looks like you’re uh, not really in a position to do any such thing, miss.”

“What, you think some flimsy leather straps are going to stop me?”

The man rolled his eyes and once again left her side. After a short while he returned again with an oil lamp, and the area around her was lit. Holding Runes were seared into the leather bindings, and from what little she could see by turning her head, several counterspell runes were chalked onto the stone floor. High level ones. The man gave her a look that told her everything the magic circles surrounding her already had. Damnit.

He went back to cleaning her wounds. Lup lay in silence for minutes, seething. Doctor Miller did nothing to break the silence, despite what Lup might expect from the way he kept sniffing and pushing up his glasses. Lup wanted to punch him so hard they snapped in half.

Eventually, after all her wounds were left stinging, the doctor closed the bottle of disinfectant and moved to leave.

“What the hell do you want with me?” Lup said finally. The doctor turned back to face her.

“What do  _ I  _ want with you?” the man parroted, and for whatever else shit situation she was in, Lup swore she would get out just to rip the smug expression off his goddamn face. “I want nothing to do with you, Miss Lup. I only designed the machine.”

“Then who wants me here?”

Doctor Miller scoffed again. “You’re the Dread Pirate, and a leader of the rebellion. I’m sure you know who your enemies are.”

The court then, or more likely judging from the distinctly shady dungeon she was being held in, someone specific within the court. Lup thought back to the names Taako had mentioned in the few short hours they had been reunited. She thought of Magnus, and Governor Kalen’s capacity for revenge. 

“And the machine?” Lup prompted. A smart man would not answer her, but despite his title Doctor Miller did not seem like the kind of man whose common sense outweighed his arrogance.

“A brilliant thing,” he answered quickly, “though I haven’t thought of a name yet. This is just the prototype.” He wandered over to a bulky shape above Lup’s head, illuminating it with the oil lamp. Made of wood and metal, with countless wires pouring out of it, it resembled a flour mill more than anything else.

“What does it do?”

Doctor Miller smiled, eye twitching as he did. “You’ll find out soon enough. But I assure you, it is unlike anything anyone has ever experienced.” He began to make his way out of the room, pausing just before the doorway, the lantern illuminating his expression. “Really you’re lucky in a way. I’m not sure how many people they’re actually going to let get hooked up to this thing. You’ll understand a feeling that very few others ever will.” With that he turned back and walked out of the room.

The thick wooden door draggled close behind him. Lup heard the iron locks fold close on the other side.

Lup wasn’t sure how long she’d been out. Judging from her wounds, she hadn’t had a full rest, or at least not a very good one. She wouldn’t expect to, being strapped to a slab of unsanded wood like she was. 

She tried to calculate a way out. It would have to wait until she was in better condition, that was for sure. And having her focus sure wouldn’t hurt. Lup closed her eyes.

There was no way they hadn’t destroyed her wand, or were storing it somewhere far away at the very least. She had just made that wand, too.

Without a focus her spells would be shaky, but as long as they were destructive she should be good to go.  _ If  _ she could get past the counterspell, and out of her bindings in the first place. She wasn’t going to have much time to figure out an escape either. Taako’s wedding would be in just over two weeks if she was thinking straight, and like hell was she going to let her brother get bound to that spider-freak, law-abiding or no. Two weeks was hardly enough time to be sure of a pattern in her captor’s behavior, if there would even be one. Laying alone in the dark wasn’t going to help her in that department either.

She would just have to figure something out. And she  _ would.  _ There wasn’t another option. 

Lup closed her eyes, and tried to rest.

-

“I’m gonna kill him when I find where he’s keeping Lup.” Magnus paced Barry’s living room. The sentiment had been repeated a dozen times in the past week, every time there was a lull in any leads. Barry had seen Magnus angry before, but seeing Governor Kalen take Lup seemed to push him over an edge he had yet to pull himself back up from. Barry shuddered to think how he must have been after Raven’s Roost was bombed. Barry hadn’t known him then, but he knew what had happened. His hatred for Kalen was more than justified. Barry felt it too.

“I’ll hold him down for ya bud,” Barry said humorlessly.

They’d been searching for Lup near tirelessly since she’d been taken, but they had yet to make any real progress. The rebellion had taken a serious hit after the failed raid, and any resources they could spare were redirected towards recovering. Lup was an important player, but they couldn’t afford the manpower it would take to track her down without risking what remained of their operation. Kravitz was busier than ever, compensating for the loss of the person who had managed to become half of the rebellion's brain power in a matter of months. He was also doing his best to rework the rescue plan for her absence. Barry knew it wouldn’t hurt to direct some of his attention there too, but he couldn’t bring himself to stop searching for Lup. She could yell at him for not prioritizing her brother later. For now he just needed to focus on finding her, and not on why it was so important to him to do so.

But that was easier said than done. He and Magnus- and Kravitz, when the time could be afforded- had already spent half a dozen nights searching, casting  _ find person  _ hour after hour they wandered the outskirts and inner circle of Phandalin. There hadn’t been so much as a goddamn ping, and their best attempts to scry had come up empty. The push of magic he had felt against the scrying led Barry to believe Lup was at least still alive, but wherever she was, she was being guarded by someone powerful. Which they already knew.

Barry sighed, burying his face in his hands. If he had been there next to her, instead of leading supplies out of the encampment- His eyes were misty from staring at maps in the lack of light. It was late. “Damnit.” he choked out.

Magnus turned at the sound. He was quickly at Barry’s side, kneeling next to his desk. “Hey man, are you-?”

“Fuck, I’m- I’m sorry, it’s just- I’m tired, I’m fine.”

Magnus met Barry’s eyes, stony-faced. “We’re going to find her.”

“I know, I know-” Barry dragged a hand down his face. “Fuck, I hate this-”

They both startled at the sound of the front door opening before Kravitz stepped into the room. He paused when he saw Barry, half in tears. “I’m sorry,” he said immediately. “This is a bad time.”

Magnus stood, and Barry wiped at his face, doing his best to compose himself after slipping hardly seconds ago. “It’s fine. I’m assuming you don’t have any good news either.”

“Not about Lup, I’m afraid.” Kravitz joined them, hanging his cloak by the door as he did so. “I’ve managed to reach my contacts in Astria and confirm that my invitation to the wedding has been made official on their end.” He pulled a crisp white envelope from his bag, marked with the royal seal of Phandalin.”

“Wait. You’re going ground team? At the wedding?” Magnus propted.

Kravitz sighed, settling stiffly on the couch as Barry and Magnus regarded him. “Well, at this point we don’t have much of a choice.”

“You’re going as yourself?” 

“There’s not a much better alias than an Astrian diplomat. At least not on such short notice.”

“Kravitz,” Barry said, “If you’re caught assisting in the rescue-”

“It will be my position at best, and war at worst,” Kravitz snapped. “I know.” His voice softened. “I’ve discussed it with the Queen, and she trusts that I’m taking a calculated risk. Very calculated.”

“She has that much faith you won’t be caught?” Magnus said.

“I don’t know what she has faith in. But I’m not about to question it if it’s what’s allowing us to still pull this off. Without Lup we don’t have the skill to pull the rescue before the wedding, and this is the only way we have an in  _ for _ it if we don’t want Taako to have to go through with it.” Kravitz hoped his voice didn’t draw attention to his personal stakes in the matter. Without Lup to tease him, he doubted Barry and Magnus would notice. “Lucretia has told me that Taako is on his last nerve.”

Kravitz had stopped writing Taako when Lup had been captured. Besides dreading to tell him about Lup, the failed raid had indicated a possibility that someone within the court had access to rebellion information. Whether their letters were being intercepted or it was blind luck on Kalen’s part, it was too much of a risk. 

“We better have Lup by the time we rescue him then.” Magnus said.

“Of course,” Kravitz hesitated, “And speaking of Lup?” Kravitz prodded gently. He suspected that what he’d walked in on was an indication of how things were going, but Magnus’ optimism was very convincing.

Barry sighed and turned back to the maps across his desk. “Nothing new. I want to get closer to the castle with a  _ locate person _ but I can’t find a way in that wouldn’t get us captured.” 

“And tonight?”

“Magnus and I were going to take another look around the eastern quadrant. I can’t see Kalen keeping her there but it’s where we’ve looked the least. I can try another scrying if we can’t find her there.”

Kravitz stood. “I’ll come with you.”

“If you can,” Barry stood as well, though he felt his weight sag into where his hands still braced him on the desk. “I, uh, I won’t say no to a few extra spell slots.”

“Of course,” Kravitz responded. 

Magnus picked up his axe from where it was leaned against the wall as Barry pulled his cloak over his shoulders. It would be a late night. If they were lucky, it would be their last late night for a while.

-

Lup wasn’t sure how long she’d been underground. She’d drifted in and out of consciousness since she’d first awoke, healing from her injuries and very possibly being drugged for more than just pain with Lucas’ medicine. By the time she found herself consistently awake, it could have been days or weeks. She didn’t really have that kind of time either way.

Lup wasn’t sure what part was worse. The pure dissociation brought on by her sense of timelessness, or the fact that her unawareness could mean that it was too late for Taako. Or maybe it was Lucas, and how the only interruption to the stagnant darkness was his arrogant, nasally verse.

Lup heard the dungeon door creak open. Yeah, that one might take the cake.

“Pretty sure I’m all healed up Nerdlord, you can chill with the burn salve.”

“That’s what I’m counting on.” Lup froze. The voice was not Lucas’s, though she heard his incessant shuffling behind much heavier footsteps.

“That I’m all healed up? Aw, am I finally getting out of the hospital, Doc? That’s awfully good to hear.”

“Not exactly,” The lower voice said. “We thought it would be better to work with a body that wasn’t already half broken.”

“Uh huh. You know that makes you sound like a total creep, right dude?”

Lup felt a wave of irritation from the larger body. At least she still had that going for her.

“I have bigger things in mind-” he spat. “Lucas.”

Finally the lights came on. Lup was grateful for it, despite the sting in her eyes. It allowed her to see who she was talking to. 

“Kalen,” she hissed.

“The Dread Pirate. Or-” Kalen stepped around her. “Lup. Rebel leader. Long lost sister of the Lord Taako.”

“I’ll give you one out of four,” Lup lied. “Still a failing grade.”

Kalen laughed humorlessly. “You don’t need to have all the answers if you can hire someone else. Isn’t that right Lucas?”

Lucas nodded, keeping his eyes away from Kalen. At least with Kalen here Lup didn’t have to hear his voice.

“You see, Lucas here is something of a genius. I’m sure he’s told you.”

“Once or twice.” Lup said flatly.

“And I have been fortunate enough to finance his research.” Kalen put a hand on the mill-like shape over Lup’s head. “He has built me this machine.”

“Glad you got someone to do your science fair project for you.”

Kalen’s expression darkened. “Hm. Maybe for this you’ll give me a ‘passing grade.’ Lucas?”

Lucas nodded, unwrapping the wires from the machine. After a moment, he began attaching them to Lup’s exposed arms. 

“Okay, I’ll bite. What the fuck is this?”

Kalen crossed his arms. “Well, ‘Dread Pirate’, this is the machine that’s going to kill you. Of course, I could do that quite easily myself, but I think you deserve a bit more than that. Piracy, arson, kidnapping, terrorism,” He narrowed his eyes, the dim lighting leaving the effect that his eyes were nothing but dark beatle's wings, nestled severely beneath his heavy brow. “Crimes against the crown.”

“Who was it that blew up Raven’s Roost?”

“The Rebellion, I believe.” His tone made the lie clear. “Regardless,” He placed a hand on the machine again and Lucas continued to attach her to the wires methodically. “You have more than enough crimes to answer for. A death sentence a dozen times over. But the problem is that you can only kill someone once. So I’ve adjusted your sentence.” Lucas attached the final wires to her exposed upper chest before pulling back. He stood ready by the machine. Kalen leaned in close. “Pain, a hundred times over for every death you’ve earned. I think that’s fair.”

Lup remained silent. There was a scientific part of her brain that was curious, an impulse in her that was impatient. Not one part of her was afraid. Even if this machine was everything its creator dreamed, Lup had lost her brother, twice. There was no pain it could inflict that would cut her deeper than she had endured before. She had shouldered every bodily wound a person could and hardly made a sound. She had stood before the Dread Pirate Roberts, knowing she was about to die, and not shed a damn tear. If this was pain, Lup would still be alive by the end of it, and could still save her brother. At the very least, if this hurt, she would give Kalen no satisfaction.

Kalen stood back, and nodded once to Lucas. Lucas pulled the lever. 

At first, Lup felt a jolt of fire through her veins, the very stuff she was made of. Then very quickly, the fire changed to something completely indescribable, and Lup split. Her world cracked, and Lup had no choice but to come apart with it.

Lup, in spite of everything she knew,  _ screamed _ .

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope y’all enjoyed the science twerp cameo lol! Lup deserves someone to bully that isn’t her future husband.


	9. The Miracle Worker

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Just wanted to let you know that this chapter has some short descriptions of labored breathing and fatigue. It’s nothing terribly lengthy or graphic, but I’d rather be on the safe side since it may be a sensitive topic for some right now. I hope everyone is staying safe, please take care!

It was well past midnight when Magnus nearly knocked Barry’s door off its hinges. Barry was awake, still staring at the same map they’d been checking and rechecking for the past week, but he almost wished he’d been asleep if only so he’d have an excuse to scold Magnus for the intrusion. Then he saw Kravitz stumble in behind him, and he knew this was something far more important than Magnus getting bored in the middle of the night. Barry stood.

“What’s the matter?”

“I think I found Lup,” Magnus started.

“What?”

“I’m- I’m not sure but I was listening in on some conversations at the Davy Lamp and there have been rumors about the woods northeast of the castle.”

“What rumors? We’ve checked there before.”

“I know, but listen- That land is Kalen’s, and people have been saying they’ve heard screams at night coming from underground. If Kalen was torturing people, he wouldn’t just be doing it out in the open, and I wouldn’t put it past him to have some underground dungeon or something.”

“If we leave now, and the screams are indeed heard at night, we might be able to locate the dungeon even if it’s warded.” Kravitz said. 

“And he was the last person to have Lup, and-” Magnus took a breath. “Even if it’s not Lup-”

Barry put a sure hand on his shoulder. “Alright bud. Let’s go.”

It took them some time to make it to the woods on foot, but the moon was still high in the sky by the time they heard the first scream. It was far off, muffled, but it sent a chill through Barry’s body all the same. 

Barry had worked with death. He’d heard creatures’ final scream, seen the life breathe out of monsters and mice the same, seen the life  _ dragged  _ out. Nothing compared to this. It was broken, agonized and endless-

It was Lup.

“We have to go.”

Magnus was already rushing forward, Barry and Kravitz not far behind. The screams couldn’t last for long, no person could survive that for long. The sound had to stop soon, or Lup would be suffering, Lup would die. It had to go on long enough for her to be found. 

Getting closer made Barry’s stomach twist. They were so close, they had to be close, for the screams to ring in his ears. He’d never heard anything so inhuman from a human voice, never heard the life tear out of something like-

The screaming stopped. 

Barry paused, trying to remember what direction it’d come from, trying to stop his stomach from tumbling out his throat. 

Magnus stood twenty feet ahead, hand set sturdily against a mangled tree. “Here,” He said. “It was coming from here.”

“Are you sure?” Kravitz asked between breaths.

Magnus turned towards him, face hard even by the moonlight. “I’m sure. She’s here.”

Kravitz glanced at Barry, who stumbled forward towards the tree. “Should we…?”

“We’re going to,” Barry answered, right before Magnus swung his axe at the tree.

“Wait!” Kravitz exclaimed, “You can’t just cut it down!”

“Why not?” Magnus growled.

“Cutting it down won’t magically reveal an entrance! At least we can’t be sure it will, and then the entrance may be destroyed!”

Magnus lowered his axe. “Then what?”

“Let me,” Kravitz crouched down at the base of the tree. “Barry, can you detect magic?”

Barry tugged out his wand, casting towards the tree. “Not here. Below though, there’s abjuration magic right at the edge of my range. I’m willing to bet there’s more deeper.”

“But if there’s none here…” Kravitz murmured. He pulled a forked twig from his bag, and Barry recognized the components for detect object. A moment later, Kravitz stood, placing his hand on an otherwise unextraordinary knot in the tree. Here, I need a knock.”

Barry cast the spell robotically, and they heard the base of the tree shift. A moment later, Magnus was shoving his way through the hidden entryway. Kravitz and Barry were not far behind.

The dark stairwell was larger on the inside, tall enough that even Magnus didn’t need to duck his head. Plenty large enough for Governor Kalen to travel through with ease, if this was his primary path. Knowing what he knew of Governor Kalen’s lifestyle, he sort of doubted it was.

The group reached a second door at the base of the stairs. Magnus almost rushed through there before Kravitz grabbed the back of his shirt. “Wait.”

Magnus turned sharply. “We can’t keep waiting if Lup could be-”

“Quiet. Barry, do you still have detect magic on?”

“Yeah,” Barry shook his head. “There’s a shitton of abjuration magic in there but it’s uh, backwards?” The thought gave him hope. They wouldn’t have a shield to keep something in unless someone was still alive to escape. Unless they just hadn’t brought down the shield yet, and this was the last night- Barry shook his head again. “I don’t think they were expecting anyone to come in this way.

“Good.” Kravitz said. “Be ready.” He released Magnus’ shirt.

They rushed through the doorway, Barry’s eyes immediately locking in on the lone outline within the room. He was at Lup’s side before Kravitz cast a light for them to see.

She lay flat on a hard surface, body bound and wires stuck to her skin. Barry immediately began to unlink the binds. “Lup? Lup are you okay?” She was warm, she was still warm, she had to be fine. “Lup?” Barry’s hands caught at her wrist as he undid the binds there. He pressed a thumb to her pulse point, counting nothing. “No. No no no no no.”

“Lup?” Magnus stepped towards her, propping her up from the slab. She was perfectly limp as he moved his ear in close, trying to hear a breath. Barry felt sick. “Damnit.” Magnus choked. He set Lup down before spinning wildly, slamming his axe into the box of wood and wires above them. “Damnit! I’m gonna kill him!”

“Magnus,” Kravitz began.

“No,” Barry repeated. “No, we can’t. She can’t be-” They had been so close. She was alive a moment ago. She was alive three days ago, when they’d checked these woods before. She couldn’t be dead now. She couldn’t be dead next week, when she was supposed to rescue Taako, or after, when they were supposed to- to  _ live.  _

“I’m so sorry,” Kravitz breathed. Barry wasn’t sure who he was apologizing to. Maybe Lup, or to Taako or to himself, but it left them without response. What did he have to apologize for? They couldn’t have lost yet. She couldn’t be gone yet.

“Merle.” Barry said finally. After too long.

“Merle,” Magnus repeated, like the thought hadn’t occurred to him. It probably hadn’t, after everything, after so many years and so many shortcomings. But Lup only had one chance. Hope twisted like a knife in Barry’s chest.

Magnus scooped Lup up without another word, tearing the leather from the last of her bindings. “We’re going now. If we get her to him in time, we might have a chance.” He and Barry rushed out of the dungeon, Kravitz following close behind.

“I’m sorry, who is  _ Merle _ ?”

“An old healer,” Barry answered. “He- he hasn’t been one in years but when he was-”

“He fucked up a lot” Magnus finished, his laugh dry and hollow.

“But uh, he also did some, like, miracles? Or he could-” Barry swallowed around his words. “He could bring people back sometimes, if he got to them soon enough.”

“And where is he now?” Kravitz asked.

“We are so fucking lucky that he lives in these woods. The other side of them but,” Magnus glanced up at the moon. “We’ll get there. We have to get there.”

“And he’ll help us?”

“That fucker owes me his ass so uh, he’ll help us.”  _ Please Merle don’t choose tonight to be a dick. _

Magnus led them through the woods, shouldering Lup to Barry to better focus in the darkness. They couldn’t afford to get lost, the moon already visibly lowering in the sky.

It felt like too long before they caught sight of a mangled shape in the distance. Merle’s cottage had become only more overrun in the years since Barry had seen it, ivy and moss crawling up the stone walls. Magnus ran the last twenty feet, knocking loudly on the damp wooden door. Kravitz and Barry had caught up to him by the time someone finally answered.

That someone, however, was not Merle. In the doorway stood a young boy, no older than ten, blinking up at the group clearly. “Are y’all cops and robbers?”

Another voice came from within the cottage, shuffling towards the doorway. “Mookie what the hell did I tell you about openin’ the door to strangers?” Merle pushed his son behind him, peering up at the group through crooked spectacles. “Magnus? Barry?” He gestured to Kravitz. “Who the hell’s this guy?”

“Merle, we need your help.” Barry interrupted.

Merle laughed harshly, throwing up his hands as he turned back into his cabin. Barry and Magnus followed him in without a word, Kravitz trailing behind before pressing himself to the wall. “Oh, sure, you need ol’ Merle’s help.”

“We don’t really have time for bullshit right now, man. You need to save Lup.” Magnus said.

Merle paused, turning back towards the group. Mookie bounced from leg to leg behind him, eyes drifting between them with interest. “Her?” For a moment Barry saw the old Merle in his eyes. Then he shook his head, dismissive. “Hate to break it to ya Mags, but I’m pretty sure she’s dead.”

“Okay? So? I’ve been dead!”

“For twelve seconds!” Merle argued. “This is different, this is,” He gestured his hands wildly. “This is a corpse!”

Barry stepped forward. “It hasn’t been an hour. Please Merle, you have to try.”

“Try to what? Waste 300 gold on components just to get a dial tone?” He shook his head. “No. I’m not a miracle worker.”

“Bullshit.” Another voice rang out. Merle’s daughter stood at the edge of the hallway, still in her nightclothes like the rest of her family.

“Mavis, I thought I told you to stay in bed while I grabbed your brother.”

“That should be so low on your list of priorities right now.” Mavis shook her head defiantly, stepping into the room. “Dad, you’re not even going to try to help them? What, did you buy those spell components to let them rot in the cupboard?”

“Those- those aren’t just for anyone!”

“These are your friends, right?” Mavis glanced at Magnus and Barry. She had been much, much younger the last time she had seen them, but she was smart enough to know when someone had a history with her dad. “They’re not just anyone.”

“Mavey-” Before Merle could retort, there was a tug on his sleeve. Mookie looked up at him, distressed.

“Dad? You’re gonna help them?”

Merle glanced between the two for a moment, the stubborn and worried faces of his children, then the desperation of his former party. He sighed heavily. “Damn kids,” he mumbled. “Put her on the table.”

Magnus did just that as Merle began to dig around in his cabinets, pulling out herbs and stones and crystal from the drawers. He turned to Lup.

“I can’t just do this for no good reason you know,” He argued. “The Queen of Death won’t just send anyone back.”

“She has a good reason,” Barry promised.

“Oh shut it loverboy. Magnus, step back. I’m gonna cast Speak with Dead, and I know how you get about the necromancy stuff.” Merle struck an incense, muttering under his breath before leaning in close to Lup. 

“Why do you need to come back here?” Merle asked.

Watching air pull back into Lup’s throat was unnerving. It wasn’t a breath, not really, only the fuel for the only words she could still say. An answer to a question.

“My...brother…” the corpse said.

“Her brother!” Magnus exclaimed, turning to grab Merle by the shoulders. “Her brother, did you hear her? That’s for sure a worthy reason!”

Merle smacked his hands away. “Don’t have to tell me, big guy.”

“So you’ll save her?” Barry asked.

“So I  _ would  _ save her, if she’d said ‘my brother’, but that’s not what she said!” Merle turned around stubbornly. “She said ‘to bother’! She wants to come back to  _ bother  _ her brother, and no way in hell am I bringing her back just so she can give some nice young man a hard time.”

“You don’t know him,” Kravitz joked weakly from the corner.

“Now is  _ not  _ the time, Dude.” Magnus shot back.

“That’s not what she said Dad, and you know it.” Mavis argued.

“Didn’t I tell you to go back to bed?”

“No, you didn’t.”

“Well I’m telling you now.”

“No, Dad, I-” Mavis sighed, taking her father’s hand. “I _know_ you don’t want to let this girl die. I _know_ you can save her. Pan chose you because of what you can do, what you’re willing to do for people.”

“Pan’s lied to me.” Merle said darkly.

Magnus sagged, reaching out to rest a hand on his shoulder. “Merle-”

Merle brushed his hand away, shaking his other out of Mavis’s. “I’m doing it Magnus, okay?” He pulled the spell components from the table. “Pan, give me one last shot.” He mumbled. And he began to cast.

The spell was a lengthy one. As he began to work, Magnus herded Mavis and Mookie back to bed, promising to hold their dad to his word. Kravitz peeled himself from the wall, watching Merle closely with a morbid fascination, resulting in only a few ‘shove off’s. Barry stood at the head of the table, watching Lup intently. He knew this wasn’t a guarantee. All he could do was watch. 

An hour later, Merle shoved a chair under Barry’s legs, pushing him to sit. “Alright Barry, you’re on duty now.”

“I’m- what?”

“Make sure that pulse is at a good pace. Don’t want her to come back with an arrhythmia.”

Barry laughed dryly, taking hold of Lup’s hand. He felt his heartbeat under his thumb, slow and faint. Barry breathed a sigh of relief.

“Well?” Kravitz asked, again leaning into Merle’s workspace despite the man’s grumbling.

“She’s alive.” Barry said softly.

“Yes!” Magnus whispered. “I knew you could do it buddy!” he slapped Merle on the shoulder, leaning forward to bring both he and Barry into an uneven hug. “Our own resident miracle worker!”

“Yeah yeah, get off me,” Merle dismissed, but Magnus saw him smile when he turned away. Barry only had eyes for Lup.

“When is she going to wake up?”

Merle paused in putting away the last of his supplies. “Not sure I’m afraid. She might just be tired from whatever killed her. Do you know?”

“Not exactly,” Kravitz offered, “Though she sounded...very much in pain. She was being tortured when we found her, but we don’t know by what.”

“Maybe magic,” Merle shook his head. “Best to let her rest. Barry, you keep holding that hand.”

Barry dropped Lup’s hand. “What?”

“What did I just tell you boy? The heart rate!”

“You never made anyone do this before!”

“I never brought back someone an hour dead before, she can’t just hop back into perfect homeostasis. Balance that pulse.”

Barry reluctantly took Lup’s hand again. He was ninety percent sure that was bullshit Merle was making up to tease him. Was he that easy to read?

Either way, he would let go when she woke up. Give her space. For now he waited, and listened to her heart.

-

The first thing Lup registered was a throbbing headache. Then the soreness in the rest of her body, limb by limb. Even her  _ eyelids _ were sore. But she opened her eyes.

The second thing Lup registered was Barry, the only person in her peripheral, set against the sight of a wooden ceiling. She wasn’t in the dungeon anymore.

“Barry?” She said softly. Her throat felt raw, and she flinched at the memory of why.

“Oh,” Barry Bluejeans pulled his hand back, and looked like he was about to say something.

“You take her hand again Bluejeans, how many times do I have to tell you!” called an unfamiliar voice.

“Oh,” Barry repeated, and took hold of her hand again. “Right, sorry.” he said to her.

Lup shook her head. Or at least she tried to. Instead she lay still. “It’s cool. Your hands are good. Warm.” Her brow furrowed, recalling the moments she had touched his hand before. “They were...super cold before.” She managed to adjust her head then, to face him as best as she could. Her neck felt like it cracked in half a dozen places with effort. “What happened?” She said seriously.

“You died.” Another familiar voice said, and Magnus was leaning over her.

Lup stared at the ceiling. “What?”

“You, um. Merle healed you.” Barry said quietly.  
“Merle? That cleric you used to adventure with that used to zone-of-truth everyone instead of healing?”

A third figure popped into her vision. “Jeez, you’re welcome.”

“Oh. I’m sorry, thank you.” Lup fixed her gaze on the ceiling again. It felt abnormal to have a conversation without gesticulating her every word. Her body felt heavy. “Will I, um. Will I move again?” Merle looked taken aback at that. His expression became serious.

“What happened to you?”

Lup bit at her tongue, gathering her thoughts. “They hooked me up to a machine. I don’t know how it worked. It just hurt. They did it on and off for a while- days? And then, um.” She swallowed. “Wow, I was really dead huh?”

“You just- died?” Magnus asked.

“From what I could tell” Lup answered flatly. “I don’t know how much your nerves can take before they just give up on you.”

Merle tutted, eyeing Lup up and down. “I’m gonna let your body cool down. Maybe you just need some rest. If things keep up like this-” Merle crossed the room, opening the curtains to let in the early dawn light. “We can try some alternative healing.” He sighed. “There goes my night’s sleep. I’m gonna head to bed. Got some major spell slots to restock.” He looked towards the group. “There’s a guest room. We should get her in there so she’s not sleeping on a table. Barry, I want you to stay with her.”

Lup smiled at Barry’s blush. His hand warmed around hers as he did. 

“Magnus, you can room with me I guess.” Merle finished, and started out of the room.

Magnus grinned. “Just like old times!”

“Yeah, yeah, just don’t push me off the bed.” He grumbled.

Magnus carried Lup to the guest room, much to her humiliation. If her body could do more than wiggle its fingers she might have found enough in her to be angry. Instead she found herself eager for a soft bed after days strapped to a wooden slab, and for Barry’s hand in hers after however long she had spent with agony on her skin. Barry settled into a chair next to the bed, his arm comfortable against the mattress.

“I’m about to take the biggest fucking nap.” Magnus announced. 

“Hard same dude.” Lup answered.

The rest of the group floated out of the room, hopefully to a good morning’s rest. She didn’t want to think about what they must have gone through to get her away from Kalen. Though now she  _ was _ thinking about it.

“Hey, Barry?”

“Yeah?”

“How did you guys get me out?”

Barry hesitated. “Oh, that was...yeah. We searched- we searched for about a week. We couldn’t find so much as a ping with a detect creature, and there was something to ward against scrying where you were held. I’m sorry- I’m sorry that we couldn’t find you until-”

“You did find me,” Lup interrupted. She recognized Barry’s tone when he was spiraling. “You literally brought me back to life. Well, Merle did. But don’t- thank  _ you,  _ Barry. You guys found me.” She did her best to meet his gaze, though it was difficult with how hard it was to move.

“Yeah, okay, so-” Barry took a steadying breath. “Magnus heard rumors about the- about the screams. And we started searching the woods again when we heard you and just f-followed. Magnus found the entrance just as- when...”

“When I died. Right.” A heavy silence drifted over the room. “Did you pull some necromancy shit on me Barry?” Lup offered. “Like me that much?”

“Oh, uh- cleric- I don’t really know cleric- what Merle did wasn’t- I don’t think clerics-”

Barry’s hand was warming up again. Definitely made it worth it to turn her head again to see the blush crawl up his cheeks. Life was about the little things, evidently.

“It’s cool dude, I know it was some holy stuff. Or else I’d be a zombie.”

“Yeah,” Barry laughed weakly. “No good as a zombie.”

“I mean, I’d still be like. Super fucking hot. I’d be a hot zombie.”

“I think zombies are cold actually.” Barry squeezed her hand in emphasis.

Lup groaned pathetically. “That wasn’t even  _ funny.” _

“Sorry,” Barry said, “give me time to  _ warm up _ .”

“I’m gonna kill you when I get out of this post-death coma. Then we’ll see who’s the hot zombie.” Lup’s brow furrowed. “How long did you say I was missing?”

“Oh, uh. Just over a week.”

Lup’s head rolled back despite the popping of her neck. At least that was a good sign. “Fuck.”

“What?”

“The wedding is in a week. If I’m gonna be in this state, there’s no way we’ll get shit together in time to get Taako out of there before then.”

Barry sighed in relief, squeezing her hand reassuringly. “Don’t worry about that. Kravitz has been in contact with his sponsors in Astria. He has an _ invite _ .”

“He has a  _ what _ ?”

“It’s a risk. But I think it’s our best shot. A better one, now that you’re back.” He squeezed Lup’s hand again. “He’s been working on a plan too. You’re right that we’ll be cutting it close, but with all the people coming in and out of the castle pulling the rescue on the night of the wedding might not be a bad idea.”

Lup smirked. “Wedding night means extra security though. Pretty ballsy. I didn’t know Ol’ Bones had it in him. I don’t know how solid he expects his plan to be though, thinking with that smitten brain of his.” Lup laughed gently. “Anyway, better believe I’m _ gonna _ yank myself out of this one in time. No way am I missing my brother’s un-wedding.”

“No doubt,” Barry chucked.

“You’ll be there?” Lup asked.

“Absolutely. We’re more than tangled up at this point.”

Lup snorted quietly. “I can’t believe Kravitz has a crush on my brother.”

“Yeah. That’s- that’s crazy,

Lup hmm’d in agreement. “I think I am gonna take that nap now Barry. Fill me in when I wake up?”

“Of course,” Barry answered. As Lup drifted off, his mind drifted to the dozens of ways this could go wrong. What if Lup’s body had been too badly broken? What if she couldn’t fight, couldn’t move in time to save Taako? What if she never could? 

Barry worried, as he had always done, holding steady to Lup’s hand. But as he folded over to rest his head on the edge of the bed, it was Lup’s hand that grounded him. And for the first time in far too long, with her safe beside him, in spite of everything, Barry slept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This! Is the Chapter that I wrote the whole fic for!!! I told y’all the title would make sense! Also Quiet Blupjeans Moments fuck yeah!! More to come!!!


	10. The Lovers

Lup’s recovery, considering what she went through, was astonishingly quick. Considering that they needed to infiltrate Prince Brian’s castle by the end of the week, however, it was not moving forward quite quickly enough. 

Merle healed her in daily increments as much as he could, but there was only so much a cleric could do outside of emergency medicine. He could fix things up if she pulled a muscle during her exercises, but other than that things were mostly left to time. Something they did not have very much of. Still, Lup couldn’t ask for much else.

Merle offered his home eagerly despite a front of being so terribly inconvenienced, and Magnus stopped by daily to help her with her exercises. They were moving forward, little by little, and Magnus was surprisingly patient for someone who’s own idea of a warm up consisted of stacking four sandbags over each shoulder and going for a run. But she was still barely scraping by with the bare minimum, moving around the house by herself and lifting only what she needed to cook a decent meal in Merle’s less than impressive kitchen. Even that she couldn’t do alone.

Barry lifted a bag of flour from the highest shelf, hesitating for just a moment before handing it off to Lup, who was able to carry it a few steps to the counter. “You know, I uh, I’m not really sure why Merle has shelves this high anyway. He definitely can’t reach them.”

“You’re telling me,” Lup responded. “But it’s not like he needs to reach the flour anyway. He was probably cooking with like, dirt before.”

“Maybe that’s why he’s letting us stay, so he can actually eat something decent for a change.”

“Right, more than worth it.” Lup leaned against the counter as she said so, taking a few seconds to catch her breath. Over lifting a bag of  _ flour.  _ Lup had never struggled like this, even after she and Taako had both caught the flu as kids when they were on the road. It was infuriating in general, and even more so for it happening right before she so very much needed to have her shit together.

Lup felt a hand on her upper back. “Lup? You doing okay?” Barry asked.

Lup straightened, still bracing herself against the low countertop. “I’m fine. Sugar?”

“Sure,” Barry checked the cupboards, then the pantry, before turning to find a bag of sugar squeezed on the dining table between salt and candles. He set the bag next to the flour. “Here.”

“Thanks.”

Barry helped Lup cook, as much as he could. Obviously he wasn’t allowed to touch any of the actual food, but he could help her gather ingredients so she didn’t need to dig around Merle’s ungodly kitchen, and on occasion (one horrible, horrible afternoon on her second day when she pushed herself too hard and damn near fell unconscious) help her stay standing. If anyone else fussed over her the way he did, Lup would have told them to shove off, but Barry never made her feel like she couldn’t do something. He was nervous around her after her death, constantly, but he never made her feel like he was nervous for her. He simply made her feel secure, like a net she didn’t need to think about. There was a lot about Barry Bluejeans she didn’t need to think about.

Lup finally shoved her pumpkin spice muffins in the stove, glancing at the ticking wall clock to mark when they went in, before making her way back to Merle’s guest bedroom and falling inelegantly over the quilt. Barry took his usual place in the chair next to the bed.

Barry had been staying with Merle these past few days as well. That first morning he had slept in the chair next to Lup’s bed. Lup could swear that the sight of it when she finally woke up was what finally warmed her up after her death.

The night after Barry had slept on Merle’s sofa one room over. Lup was half tempted to ask him to sleep with her again, but she probably shouldn’t get too used to having him around, since she and Taako would be leaving in only a few days. Lup groaned.

“Lup?”

“It’s nothing,” she dismissed quickly. “Just...Kravitz is stopping by soon, right?”

“He should be,” Barry nodded. “Are you feeling up for it?”

“Yeah,” Lup muttered, “Unfortunately we’ve gotta get the fine deets of this one on lock down before the day of.” She smirked. “You know I didn’t have a plan when I got Taako from you fools? I was going to stop in Phandalin and work things out from there when I saw your ship.

“Oh, that’s- jeez that’s embarrassing.” Barry rubbed at the back of his neck, “But you know, we weren’t really accounting for Dread Pirates with surprise vendettas.”

“Rule one of crime,” Lup said, “ _ always _ expect surprise vendettas. Haven’t you ever read a good adventure story?”

“You’ll have to send a few my way,” Barry smiled.

Kravitz arrived with Magnus within the hour, shortly after Lup’s muffins had made their way out of the oven. They sat at Merle’s dining table, surprisingly large for his otherwise modest furniture, and discussed what of Kravitz’ plan could be revised. Merle sat between Magnus and Barry, casually enjoying a muffin like there weren’t four rebels conspiring at his table.

“I believe much of our strategy can remain in place. I already have an in as a diplomat, so I won’t need to worry about sneaking around. Magnus will be enlisting in the crownsguard under a false name as soon as possible. He was supposed to a few days ago, but-”

“Something came up,” Magnus interrupted, the obvious ‘something’ unspoken. “Obviously with you back I was gonna wait for your call.”

“Hell yeah!” Lup, with no lack of effort, offered a high five to Magnus, who returned it enthusiastically. She nodded at Kravitz to continue.

“Magnus will infiltrate the crownsguard in time to be assigned to the wedding. It shouldn’t be difficult. The castle has been swarming with soldiers, and no one is going to pass up Magnus’s muscle on such an important night. Barry is innocuous enough- once Magnus let him inside he and I were both potential retrievers for Taako. Typically the groom would be in his quarters with half a dozen servants, but knowing Taako that location isn’t something I’d depend on, and the castle will likely be warded against finding spells, among others. Either Barry would find him before the ceremony and they’d escape to the base, or I would find him after and smuggle him to the manor I’ve rented under the guise of traveling so far for the wedding. Assuming we’d be able to convince him to go.” Kravitz shot an embarrassed glance at Lup. “We needed to cease correspondence after the potential leak. So aside from his rescue being unexpected, he um. Might be mad at me.”

Lup snorted. “I’m sure you’ll make up.” Even as she spoke the words though, there was doubt, and guilt. She and Taako would be leaving the country. Who knew if he would ever see Kravitz again, let alone have time to reconcile. 

“After that we had to account for a few contingencies. The rebellion was prepared to host him, or we would get him out of the country. That would be...his call.”

Lup nodded. “Good plan, few notes. I’ll be there, so we’ll find him before the ceremony. You can feel free to mingle. We can’t have Magnus enlist. Kalen spends too much time at the castle to risk his being there before the wedding.

“He’s your in,” Kravitz pointed out.

“He doesn’t need to enlist for that. We just need to get our hands on a uniform, and he can blend right in the night of.”

“Isn’t an unnamed soldier a  _ risk _ ?”

“They’ll be a hundred new guys there to guard the wedding, no one is going to question New Soldier Number 87. Especially with his muscle. So he’ll let Barry and I in, we’ll find Taako, take care of any guards, slip in, slip out, and make it to my ship before anyone misses him.”

“Ship?” Barry asked.

“Right. I have to write Davenport.”

“Excuse me?” said Kravitz.

“Did you  _ not  _ see me approaching on a rad pirate ship when we first met?”

“Yes, but- you still have it? You think whoever has taken its helm will just give it back?”

Lup nodded. “Cap’n’port’s a real one. Don’t worry about it. But I should probably get that letter out asap, unless someone knows sending and I can describe him really well.”

Despite four magic-users in the room, there was no sending spell between them. As the night wore on they discussed the details of their rescue mission- times and layouts, smuggled to them by a member of the castle’s kitchen staff. Lup bitterly mulled on why they couldn’t send letters to her brother, but she knew better. Her brother was much more supervised than the head chef. They couldn’t put him at risk. Instead she wrote out her letter to Davenport telling him where to be on the night of the wedding, handing it off to Kravitz to be mailed out to sea as urgently as possible.

Lup shifted uncomfortably in her seat. She was getting more than tired, the wooden chair weighing harshly against her back. She’s never been so sensitive to discomfort, but it seemed her body wasn’t up to dealing with any of it after what it had been through. Not that she would let that slip. She wasn’t risking Kravitz deciding it would be better for her to stay away from the bulk of the mission. It was  _ her  _ brother.

Eventually, Kravitz and Magnus made their leave, Magnus shoving a fourth muffin in his mouth with a muffled “thank you” before waving goodbye. Merle headed off to bed as well, leaving Barry and Lup alone in the dining room.

“Glad we have that squared away,” Lup said, picking at the last of her own muffin. 

“What? Oh, yeah,” He offered her a half smile. “Things should run a lot smoother with you there.”

“Yeah, Taako will actually be down to book it. No offence to Kravitz, but I’m not sure even he could get Taako where he wants him on such short notice.”

“Yeah.”

Lup bit into the last her of muffin, casting prestidigitation across the table to take care of some spare crumbs. Even magic had become more difficult to her. The first day she hadn’t even been able to cast a cantrip.

“I have  _ got  _ to get to bed,” Lup said. “I wanna be running laps around this old place tomorrow.”

Barry nodded. “Right, um- yeah. Goodnight, Lup.”

Lup tapped her finger quietly against the table. “You could come with, my dude.”

“Oh, um, I- I think I’ll stay up a bit longer. I need to- do some stuff.”

“I meant to my room Barry, not to sleep. Stay up with me a bit?”

“Oh,” Barry’s brow furrowed gently. “Uh, of course.”

Lup made it to Merle’s guest bedroom mostly on her own, though her body still ached like she’d just run miles. Barry followed behind her cautiously. Sliding out of her overdress and under the covers, Barry took his seat next to the bed. They didn’t bother to light a candle. Lup would be out soon anyway, if the last few days were any track record. But she wanted to stay up with Barry, if only for a few minutes. 

Barry fidgeted with his hands, slowly, but just noticeable in the moonlight from the room’s singular glass window. Lup waited for him to speak. She didn’t think she would ever wait for anyone before this.

“You’re leaving the country.” he said finally. They had known that.

“That’s the plan.”

“Where will you go?”

Lup shrugged, ignoring the ache in her shoulders as she did so, even against the pillows. “We’ll figure something out. We always have.”

Barry was silent for a moment. When he finally spoke again, his voice was quieter than before. “Will you come back to Phandalin?”

Lup closed her eyes. That was what she was waiting to hear, what she knew he wanted to ask. Now that she’d heard it she didn’t know what to do with the question. They couldn’t come back, not with Taako as the runaway groom of the prince. Taako had to get out of the country, for years at least. Lup had to go with him.

“We can’t,” She said quietly. “I need to keep Taako safe.”

“I know.”

The silence stretched on, longer than before. 

“Will you?” Lup whispered.

“Will I what?”

Lup bit her lip. “Stay in Phandalin.”

“...I don’t know,” Barry said at last. “I’ve never had a reason to leave before.”

“If you had a reason? To go, I mean.”

Barry looked at Lup for a long time. Lup had never seen the expression at full force. Only in glances, in half-present stares when he thought she wasn’t looking back. “I would.” he said softly.

“I think you’d make a pretty rad pirate Barry,” Lup answered. 

Barry breathed out a half laugh, reaching a hand towards hers without another word. Lup lifted her arm to take it, his palm warm against hers.

“Will you stay tonight?” Lup whispered.

“As long as you’ll have me.”

Lup hummed. She might have thought things through more, if she wasn’t so tired. If she didn’t love him. “Always,” she said, and she drifted to sleep unafraid.

-

It was always god damn _ letters _ .

A letter had informed Taako of his sister’s death. Letters had plagued him for years in the form of falsified tabloid fodder, and now the lack of them marked the end of his correspondence with Kravitz. Which, okay, on its own was _fine,_ but with everything else that was going on it forbode far worse.

A letter had been sent informing Lup of Brian’s change of heart, that she could come get him and they could finally be free of this mess, though to proceed with caution. A letter had not been returned.

Taako hadn’t heard from Kravitz in over a week. He hadn’t heard from anyone in a week, and Lucretia was being cagey too. She outright refused to acknowledge Taako’s questions, fixing him with a warning look if he so much as raised his voice about it.

Taako didn’t worry. It simply wasn’t in his playbook, to fret over things that he had no evidence of. But he did plan ahead. So while he refused to believe that something had happened to his sister, to Kravitz, to the rebellion, he would sure as hell act as if something had.

He was getting married in four days. Taako would pull out his own hair before he let that union become law.

Brian was frivolous more than anything, struck by flights of fancy that swayed the kingdom into prosperity or ruin, usually that latter. Their wedding coming to fruition depended entirely on Taako’s ability to give him something better to do. Brian had agreed to let Taako run away with Lup, but Lup had never come. Brain became bored. He had to think of something else.

A more alluring groom? But let’s face it, there was no way in hell he was going to find someone better than Taako, famous and witty and handsome as hell. There was a reason he’d been picked in the first place, over all other faces in the kingdom. That wouldn’t work.

He could make something go wrong, have the decorations explode or ask Ren to ruin the cake. But Brian would be more likely to punish Ren than to call off the wedding altogether, and he would probably find the exploding decorations exciting. Besides, that was cutting it way too close for Taako’s taste.

Taako paced his room, flexing his magic against the wards around him. This would be so much easier if Brian hadn’t had the whole castle on lockdown after Taako was kidnapped. He’d have to have some serious words with Kravitz for that debacle, if he ever saw him again. Then again, had he not been kidnapped, he may not have ever been reunited with Lup in the first place.

Well. There were words to be had either way, considering those idiots had been giving him radio silence the week he was supposed to be married. Weren't they supposed to help him out of this mess?

Taako groaned, flopping onto the down bed that he would trade for sharing a rickety caravan with his sister in a heartbeat. If something had happened to them, either of them, he would never forgive himself. 

But he wouldn’t worry. Taako would wait, and watch, and get out of this in any way that he could. He always did.

-

Lucretia sat in her office, studying her invitation to the wedding of Prince Brian and Lord Taako of Phandalin. She had designed the invitations of course, and forged the signatures on a great deal of them. She had more control over the guest list than the prince did. But she didn’t have control over much else. Lucrecia tapped a pen against her journal.

That wasn’t true. She had control of words, something that paled even her abjuration magic in comparison. She had kept the country entertained enough to postpone Brian’s wedding for  _ years.  _ She had kept them just aware enough to not postpone the revolution. Whatever happened tomorrow night, she could make it her advantage. As long as the right people made it out  _ alive.  _ That, she may be all but powerless against.

Lucretia sighed, folding her invitation within her journal and blowing out the candle that lit her desk. She should get away from her office while she could and get some sleep. Tomorrow was a very big day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *explicitly states what the plan is so it will be abundantly clear when Everything Goes Wrong*  
> Next chapter will be our last, and a pretty lengthy one! See you then!


	11. The Wedding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are officially at the end of the road! Thank you to capitalnineteen for being an extra pair of eyes for proofreading, and thank you to everyone who read and commented! Your feedback means the world to me, and I hope I’ve managed to give you a fulfilling story in return. This chapter’s a long one, so head’s up!

Lup sat on the edge of the guest bed, hopefully for the last time. She was growing attached to things lately, something she hadn’t experienced in years. She wondered if there was anyone Taako would miss.

Merle knocked on her door. “You finally ready to scram?”

Lup smiled. Even Merle she’d grown fond of, though it shouldn’t have been a surprise with how much he’d been caring for her the past week. She should find a better way to repay him than the zucchini bread she left in his kitchen window to cool. Maybe she could send him an exotic plant once she was traveling again. She had a feeling he would appreciate that.

“Give me a break, old man, I’m working on it.” Lup grabbed her wand, meeting Merle at the door with a designed look of boredom. “Is Barry back yet?”

“Why do you think I got you, bonehead?” Merle grumbled, leading her towards the kitchen. Barry was waiting patiently by the front door, dressed in dark clothes and lightweight armor. Lup was wearing much the same.

“How are you feeling?” Barry asked.

“Pretty much ready to kick some ass. Got my spells prepared and everything.” Lup held up her old hawthorn wand. “Good thing I kept track of this, huh?”

“I bet you and Taako can make new wands together once we’re all out of this.”

“Oh for sure. I’m thinking something flashier this time too. A statement piece.”

Barry laughed. “A bone wand doesn’t stand out enough to you?”

“Gotta have my own brand, homie.”

“You two are an affront to nature,” Merle grumbled.

“Says the cleric who pulled my ass back from beyond the grave,” Lup’s mouth curled. She was never great with vulnerability, but- “Thank you. I don’t think I ever told you that. And if I’m off to the open sea tonight- well, you should know. I owe ya one.”

Merle waved a hand, dismissive. “Eh, send me something nice and we’ll call it even.”

“You read my mind, my man.” She turned to Barry. “You ready?”

“I am”

“Then let’s get this show on the road, shall we?” Lup nodded at Merle. “Say hi to the kids next time you have them for the weekend, okay?”

“As if the ex-wife will let me have ‘em after what I pulled last weekend.”

“Aw, she’ll come around, Miracle Man!”

“Sure hope so. See you around kid.”

Barry shut the door behind them with a final wave goodbye. “You really feeling okay?”

“Top of the line,” Lup said nervously. “Besides, you have my back, right?”

“Completely.”

“Then we’ll be fine. Let’s go get my brother.”

-

Kravitz sat alone in his carriage, staring out his window as if the land was new. Part of this night would be feigning unfamiliarity. He would have to forget the rebellion spies he was in close contact with and remember dignitaries and ambassadors he hadn’t actually spoken to in years. He hadn’t been home in years.

He had been so surprised when the Raven Queen approved his suggestion of using his status to gain entry to the castle in order to rescue Taako. Assisting in the rebellion was one thing, nameless and isolated from his home Kingdom. Attending the wedding as an emissary of Astria to steal away the groom was something else entirely. If he was found to be involved in this, it could mean war. 

A year ago, he wouldn’t have considered it. Hell, he wouldn’t have considered it a month ago. But that was before he realized how desperate a situation they were in, before Lup had died and left them with only a last minute way to rescue her brother...before he met Taako.

Slowly the carriage rolled to a halt before the Phandalin Castle. Kravitz’s footman, a temporary hire he had found the week before, lowered a step as he exited. Kravitz brushed his fingers nervously along the invitation tucked within his overcoat. Nothing should go wrong with that at least. The invitation wasn’t technically forged.

Kravitz was allowed in without a second glance, only an announcement akin to every other guest. He was separated from the others only for being unescorted, though he was not the only guest to arrive alone. That was something he was plenty used to, even from when he was still in Astria.

Kravitz surveyed the room around him, taking into account each exit and as many guests as he could recognize. It took a second appraisal for him to notice Lucretia standing off to the right of the head of where he assumed the ceremony would take place, earnestly denoting her surroundings. She seemed not even to notice him. He was more than certain that was a front.

The room itself was extravagantly decorated. High silvery drapes graced the ceiling, flowers of every season embellishing column and corners, certainly kept looking vibrant with magic. Through a set of arches, corded off for the time being, was a massive dining room, the tables just as busy as anything else. The meal was scheduled to be served after the ceremony. Kravitz wondered how much Taako had to do with that, or with the decorations overall. If things went well tonight, Kravitz would never get the chance to ask him.

Kravitz felt his stomach twist at the thought, channeling the feeling into an awkward smile as he took a glass of champagne from a nearby waiter. That was right. His goal tonight was to be nothing more than a guest, as genuine as any other. He was to mingle with other guests, be shocked when Taako never arrived. If Kravitz ever saw Taako again, it would mean something had gone wrong. Taako would be married, and Lup would have failed. Kravitz was the last resort.

Kravitz tried to brush the thought from his mind. The best thing he would do for them was act natural. He mingled with a practiced smile, took long sips of champagne and tried to pretend his interest in Lord Taako was nothing more personal than anyone else’s. He was nothing short of a celebrity, after all. At least he didn’t have to pretend not to adore him.

The night wore on, and Kravitz could not stop thinking about Taako.

If everything went well, this would be the last chance he would ever have to see him. If it went poorly, Taako would need someone to get him out of the castle. Kravitz wandered closer to the edge of the room, where another great arch gave way to the castle halls. It was his job to act natural. But it wasn’t unnatural for someone to get curious, or a little too overwhelmed with the swarms of people that attended a wedding. People would wander at parties, even dignitaries, even  _ lords.  _ Kravitz could be natural without being passive. He wasn’t technically straying from the plan. Taako was probably safely out of the castle by now anyway. Kravitz was probably doing nothing but curious wandering.

_ Screw the plan _ , Kravitz thought. The man he was a year ago would have gaped.

The man he was today however, slipped out of the ballroom seamlessly. As quickly as he could manage without breaking into a sprint, Kravitz began to search for Taako’s room.

-

Magnus stood diligently at the servants’ entrance to the back of the castle. It was the only entrance minor enough that a single soldier could be entrusted with its guard, as long as that single soldier was as big as Magnus. 

It had been difficult to get their hands on a uniform large enough. In the end they had to resort to modifying the largest size, which they had stolen during their last disastrous raid on the supply outpost. At least some good had come of that. They were just lucky Carey’s thread work was so seamless.

As it turned out, a uniform and a confident expression really had been all he needed to sneak among the crownsguard’s ranks the night of the wedding. Magnus had simply slotted himself in front of the servant’s door early in the evening, nodding in respect to the officer who did the rounds. Hardly anyone had even seen him on this side of the castle, and no one had questioned him. The night wore on, and Magnus was finding his duty exceedingly easy- Lup and Barry had the hard job.

It was dark by the time the two made it onto castle grounds, stars dotting the navy blue above. Magnus nodded as they approached him, casual and quiet, and allowed them to push open the servants’ door.

Only their entrance was blocked by a larger hand, one exiting from the inside. The door swung open, and Magnus turned to the figure on the other side. If he was an average man, he would have had to look up.

Governor Kalen stood in the hallway, hand at his sword as his eyes flashed between Barry, Lup, and Magnus. Recognition shadowed his features for a moment, hand tightening around his hilt, before he made the calculation. There were three of them, and one of him.

Kalen turned and ran, disappearing down the hallway.

“Barry- Lup, I-”

“Go get him big guy, we’ve got Taako.”

Magnus didn’t spare the look of gratitude. In an instant he shot after Kalen, heavy boots crashing against the stone hall. He didn’t care if he attracted attention. He was not letting him get away again. If Magnus had one goddamn chance to kill Kalen, this was it. By the end of the night, either he would be dead, or Kalen would be. And Magnus had a lot to live for.

-

“Come on,” Lup said to Barry. “We can’t be out here when another guard does a round.”

Barry nodded, rushing through the servants’ entrance before the door closed behind them. Magnus had turned right at the end of the hallway. Guess that meant they were turning left. 

“Will Mags be okay on his own?” Lup asked in a hushed voice.

“He’s been waiting for this chance for the last ten years,” Barry said darkly. “And this time Kalen doesn’t have a battalion at the ready. He’s not making it through this night alive.”

“Guess that’s another thing on the rebellion’s plate.”

“We can deal with replacing a corrupt official. It’s the opposite that’s been giving us a problem for so-” 

Lup tugged Barry by the collar, pulling the both of them behind a pillar as a group of servants crossed the hallway ahead of theirs, rolling carts and carrying silver dishes. They waited for them to pass.

“Shit,” Lup hissed, “That’s the food. The ceremony has got to be starting soon.”

“We’ll get there,” Barry assured, “Turn right.”

“If Taako is anywhere but his room I’m gonna kill him. I can’t memorize the whole goddamn castle layout.”

“That’s what the map is for. Though uh, it’s not very useful tonight, since there’s a party going on in half the castle.”

“Right. And if I have to talk my way out of a confrontation with some oblivious noble because my brother can’t stay where he’s supposed to be I’m gonna wreck his shop.”

They were so close when they saw...him. They were so goddamn close, and he shouldn’t have been there at all. But by the time Lup saw him, it was already too late. She stepped back behind the turn in the hallway, holding her breath and Barry’s hand as she strained her ears for a sign that they’d been noticed. Her heart couldn’t take this shit right now.

“Bryan dear, what’s got you bothered?”

Gods  _ damnit.  _ Why did he even have that freaky spider walking the halls with him the night of the wedding? Why wasn’t he with his guests, or in his room preparing?

Lup heard the low, rattling sound of a spider moving closer. The clack of Brian’s boots followed curiously. Lup gripped her wand at the ready.

Brain turned the corner, eyes falling on Barry and Lup as he readied his own staff. “Oh my! A couple of intruders! And on the very night of- wait,” His high brow furrowed, and he held out a hand to placate his spider. “You are- yes you are the sister of my betrothed aren’t you?”

Lup grit her teeth. “ _ Yes? _ ”

“Oh, how wonderful! Yes, you must come to the ceremony at once! And there’s such an audience too, oh this couldn’t have turned out better.”

“What the hell are you going on about?”

“Aren’t you here for your brother? This is perfect, heroic even! When you come for him I will give him willingly, despite the love in my own heart! I know he will be happier in another life, with his beloved sister, and so I will let my love go! And you do look so similar, the people will love it!”

Lup raised her wand, pointing it menacingly at Brian. “I’m gonna ask you one more time, my dude. What the hell are you going on about?”

“Oh now, no need to be aggressive my dear! This will work out in both our favors, hm? You will have your brother, and I will have the story I need to maintain the crown. This will make me a sympathetic ruler to rival fairy tales, a tragic hero even! To let the love of my life go- oh the people will love it!”

Lup took a steadying breath. “A sympathetic... _ ruler. _ ” She asked flatly.

“Why yes! That’s what this whole this is really about after all and-”

Lup took a harsh step towards Brian, nearly stumbling with the effort. “Let me help you sort out a few of your facts, my man. You drained your people half to death for shit like this,” She waved her free hand around them, though the decoration in this hallway was minimal. The point still stood. “You employed  _ tyrants- _ You kept my brother captive for  _ years  _ and you’re going for  _ sympathetic?- _ ” The fireball was out of her wand before she could get the words out, the hawthorn nearly cracking with the force of the spell. Brian didn’t have a chance in hell at dodging it, the fire exploding at the center of his chest, throwing him back as he fell to the floor next to his spider.

“That’s right fucker! How does 7th level fireball feel?”

The prince did not respond save for a quiet groan. He was going to be down for the count until he could get a healer.

“Shit,” Lup said. She nearly stumbled into the wall before Barry caught her. “That was a lot.”

“No, um, are you okay?” Barry asked nervously.

“I’m fine,” Lup breathed heavily, “but I maybe feel like I was blasted by my own spell.”

“Can you walk?”

“Of course. We’ve just gotta find Taako soon.” She eyed Brian’s form on the floor. “Might have gone overboard on that one.”

Suddenly a laugh bubbled out of Barry.

“What?”

“Nothing it’s just- it wasn’t overboard? Is it bad if I kind of thought that whole thing was like, cool as hell?”

Lup looked at Barry, his eyes shining and his hair blown back from the force of her spell. She probably looked a lot worse, but he was smiling wildly-and nervously- at her, feeling burning at the core. She couldn’t help it.

“I love you,” Lup said, taking Barry’s hand. “We’ve really gotta get the fuck out of here before someone comes to find the grooms.”  
“I- wait, you what?” They were already running.

“I love you, Barry, try to keep up!”

“I- I love you too, Lup, wait-” Barry hardly had to tug her hand for her to stop, turning back towards him with a smile on her face. “I love you.”

Lup grinned. “I love you too.”

“Right  _ now  _ though?”

“What can I say? I'm a risk taker,” Lup laughed, and she leaned forward to press her lips to his. She still needed to rescue her brother- right, of course- but Barry wrapped his arms around Lup and he sighed a little against her lips and _okay_ _yes we are absolutely doing this now,_ Lup thought, throwing her arms around his shoulders. Taako would be fine. They could have a minute.

-

Magnus pulled open the door that had closed in front of him less than a second before. He felt the grind of a half-inserted key as he did. Kalen backed away as Magnus strode in, slamming the door behind him. They were alone.

This is a fact Kalen took in with abating caution, mouth twisting into a cruel smile as he surveyed the room.

“Without your little friends?” he asked.

“I don’t need them for this.” Magnus drew his sword. It was no railsplitter by any means, but it was the crownsguard standard. It would have to do.

Governor Kalen did the same, his sword jeweled and surely a dozen times better balanced. That didn’t matter. Face to face, Kalen didn’t stand a chance. 

“Why are you here?” Kalen asked as he readied his stance. “Vengeance? Or is it something else? The fact that you’re friends have run off somewhere else makes me think it’s something else.”

“They’re here for something else,” Magnus said. “I’m here to kill you.”

Kalen laughed. “Good luck with that, little soldier. Maybe three to one you would have stood a chance but-” Kalen struck suddenly, the blow barely blocked by the tip of Magnus’ sword. Magnus twisted his blade in response, pushing Kalen back a step. “But like this...you know you’re going to die? I’m in charge of the crownsguard for a reason.”

Magnus struck again, a wide swing that allowed Kalen to graze his armor before Magnus struck deep into his left arm. Kalen’s face steeled. “You’re in charge of the crownsguard because the council is full of idiots and you’re a warmonger.”

Kalen tried for a second strike before retreating, resulting only in Magnus landing another blow. Kalen stumbled back before righting himself. “Well, we can agree on at least one thing”

Magnus gripped his sword, backing Kalen against a wall.“That you’re a warmonger?”

“That the council is full of idiots.” Kalen leapt forward again from where he was cornered, and suddenly Magnus felt steel under his armor, deep in his side. Kalen stood, shaking his head as Magnus’s knees buckled. “The crownsguard uniform hasn’t improved in decades.” He mumbled. “Magnus, the council would have let your rebellion flourish past the point of no return. If I hadn’t quenched it when I did-”

“Then I might have considered leaving you alive.” Magnus choked out.

Kalen laughed. “I don’t think you’re in a position to make that kind of threat my boy. No, if I hadn’t destroyed what you’d built, if I hadn’t gotten rid of that partner of yours, where do you think the rebellion would be? Certainly not on its knees with a puncture wound in its gut.”

Magnus saw red. He felt his blood boil, seeping out of the wound against his stomach. But the rebellion was not on its knees. And if Julia wasn’t there to carry it-

Magnus stood, sword heavy in his grasp. There were benefits to a standard issue sword. Lighter than an axe. Quicker, easier to wield when injured. And at the end of the day, just as lethal. He watched the fear gather in Kalen’s eyes.

Magnus Burnsides, The Hammer, half broken and still bleeding, was just strong enough to drive dull steel through leather. He felt treated skin give way to flesh, to crowded insides and a line of muscle and the lighter air of Kalen’s lungs, choking out their final breath.

No last words. No satisfaction. The man who’d destroyed Raven’s Roost slumped to the ground. The monster that had killed Julia was dead. Magnus’s hands shook as he fell back to his knees. He pressed a fist against his wound.

Kalen was dead. He had done his part.

_ Man, _ Magnus thought.  _ Those idiots better get Taako out of here. _

-

Taako stood in the center of his room, servants long dismissed. This was it. His wedding was tonight, and Lup hadn’t come.

There was a scrap of him that was still making excuses. Maybe she had decided that it was only safe to come and get him after the wedding, as vile an option as that was. Maybe she was on her way, right now, and she would burst through the door at any second.

Unlikely.

Taako knew, when the letters had stopped. He’d overheard some of the other nobles talking about a rebel raid that had been intercepted. He wasn’t  _ stupid.  _ Lup had been captured, or killed. The thought made him sick to his stomach. He couldn’t survive that again. He had to believe she was still alive out there. She’d come back from the dead before.

He hadn’t heard from Kravitz either, which meant that unless Ren was about to smuggle him out in a giant cake-pan, no one was coming. Taako was about to marry a man who talked to spiders and threatened death like he was giving out an invitation to a tea party. He felt lightheaded.

Taako pushed open the window next to his bed, taking in as much of the warm summer air as he could. He had to calm down. He’d been more relaxed when he was kidnapped than he was now, he had to stop acting like it was the end of the world. His marriage to the prince wasn’t going to make him  _ dead. _ No, the worst marriage did to people was make them miserable.

Taako eyed the ground below, feeling the hum of his room’s antimagic ward under his fingertips. If he jumped, would the wards prevent him from casting feather fall once he was  _ outside  _ the window?

The door to Taako’s bedroom creaked open. This was it then. They’d come to take him away. Taako looked longingly at the ground below one last time before turning around.

Towards  _ Kravitz. _

“ _ You! _ ” he exclaimed.

“Taako, thank goodness,” Kravitz said, rushing towards him. “I thought I wasn’t going to make it in time! Lup was supposed to, but it was getting so late, and I was-”

“Hold up my dude, what are you doing here?”

“I’m-” Kravitz’s expression fell. “Aren’t you glad to see me?”

“Well yeah, but what the hell’s going on? You’re here to break me out?”

“Of course! Taako, we weren’t about to let them go through with this-”

“We?”

Kravitz nodded emphatically. “Yes! Lup and I. And, well, Barry and Magnus are here too.”

“Those thugs that kidnapped me?” Taako asked.

“Taako we’ve been over this.”

“Rebellion, yeah yeah, sit down.” Taako sat down heavily on his bed, gesturing for Kravitz to do the same. “You’re breaking me out tonight? _ ” _

“That is the  _ plan. _ It wasn’t the original plan, but we hit some roadblocks.”

“The supply raid.” Taako finished.

“You heard about that?”

“All the boring ass nobles were talking about it. I thought you fools were dead or something.”

Kravitz didn’t respond.

“Kravitz-”

“Not- it’s- it’s a long story. Lup is fine-”

“ _ Lup? _ ”

“No, listen,” Kravitz took Taako’s hands, which were beginning to gesticulate wildly. “Everyone is fine. We were afraid there had been a leak, which is why we stopped writing.” Kravitz bothered to look apologetic at that. “Which I’m sorry for. I didn’t mean to worry you.”

Taako snorted “I wasn’t worried. Someone  _ else _ would have been, maybe, if you dropped off the face of the earth, but not ol’ Taako. I am a  _ chill dude.” _

Kravitz laughed, brushing his thumb over the back of Taako’s hands. “Gods Taako, I’m so glad I found you.” He glanced up at him for a moment before pulling him to his feet. “But we really have to go. Like, right now. We can catch up later.”

“Wait,” Taako said. “Listen. I’m- I’m for sure going, absolutely, but before I’m a wanted man-”

Kravitz’s eyes lit up in a way Taako immediately recognized as an indication a truly painful joke was about to be made. “You’re already a wanted man”

“Horrible, let me finish. While I’m still looking rad as hell in my grossly expensive noble clothes, since I’m  _ supposed  _ to get married tonight or whatever and you left me on read for a week- here, let me, um”

“Taako?” Kravitz leaned in, raising a hand to Taako’s cheek.

“Yeah?”

“Can I kiss you?”

Taako breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank god I didn’t have to say it. Apologize for making me worry.”

Kravitz chuckled. “Oh, now you’re admitting it?”

“Just shut up and kiss me.”

And he did.

And he would have, for much longer, if that wasn’t the moment Taako’s bedroom door came crashing open again.

“Taako-  _ Kravitz?” _

Kravitz startled backwards, though he still kept one hand linked with Taako’s. “Lup! Barry, uh-”

“Did something happen?” Barry asked. “Why aren’t you at the party?”

“I called it!” Lup all but screeched. “I called it Taako, you fucking owe me!”

Taako bristled “We didn’t make a bet!”

“But  _ really?”  _ she continued. “Right now? When we’re trying to break you out! Shame on both of you!"

Taako saw a blush gather in Barry’s cheeks and made an internal note to roast the hell out of his hypocrite of a sister as soon as he had more details.

“Okay, whatever, I was taking a breather, we can ditch now.” Taako grabbed Lup’s hand, pulling her, and by extension the rest of their group, out of his room “You have a plan?”

“Yeah, Magnus should have some horses waiting for us.” Lup answered. “But, uh. Oof we all went pretty off the game plan there, huh. He  _ should  _ be near the servant’s entrance, closer to the stables.”

“Is he bringing Garyl?” Taako asked.

“Who?” 

“Garyl, Lup, my horse! Come on, catch up.”

“I didn’t tell him to grab a specific horse!”

Magnus was still at the stables when they made it out of the castle, only narrowly dodging the rising dissent as guests and servants became suspicious of the Prince’s absence. For a moment Taako thought that Garyl was the only hold up, as the massive steed had apparently decided to give Magnus a hard time at the entrance for not being one of the horses he had reigned. Smart boy. But then Magnus turned towards them, and the lamplight reflected something red and wet on his stomach.

“You okay there, my dude?”

“Taako! Long time no see!”

“Dodging the question as usual,” Kravitz muttered, striding forward to help Magnus handle the horses. “What happened to you?”

“Aren’t you supposed to be at the party?” Magnus asked hopefully.

“We have really got to teach you the meaning of self-preservation, bud.” Barry said, moving to help Magnus stay standing despite his protests. “Did you get him?”

Magnus’s expression sobered. “Yeah. I got him.” He sighed, using his free arm to pinch the bridge of his nose. “Man, it’s been a night.”

“You can tell us about it on the way,” Lup said, pulling herself up onto her horse. Taako’s eyes narrowed as the motion seemed to wind her. They  _ had  _ just run through the castle, but he’d seen Lup weather far worse without breaking a sweat.

Taako mounted Garyl, keeping an eye on Lup as the group readied themselves. 

By the time he heard shouting from the castle grounds, they were well on their way to the coast.

Lup led them through the winding paths of Phandalin, the quickest path to the coast that didn’t run directly through the city. She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw the dark sails camouflaged against the rocks.

Davenport was waiting on the gangplank, lodged sturdily against the flattest part of the rocks.

“Roberts.” He nodded.

“Hey Dav.”

Davenport surveyed the group as they dismounted. “How many extra mates did you say we’d be taking on?”

Lup opened her mouth to respond before turning back towards the others.

“Alright boys, we killed a governor, kidnapped a lord, and ambushed the prince. Who wants to be a pirate?”

“The Raven Queen might kill me,” Kravitz winced. “I’m afraid rebelling in Phandalin is the extent of my...legal leeway.”

Taako did his best to ignore the longing look Kravitz gave him, and the disappointment in his voice. They’d gotten by on letters for months. Sure, it would be nice to actually be able to talk face to face, but it was nothing Taako couldn’t handle.

“Barry?” Lup asked.

Barry took her hand. “I’m with you,” he promised, like it was the most obvious admission in the world.

“I have to stay.” Magnus said resolutely. “With Kalen gone- we’ve never been so close to making things right. I can’t abandon Phandalin now.”

Taako watched Lup’s expression tense at Magnus’ words. She looked up towards the kingdom that had been Taako’s home for the past three years. Taako was ready to say goodbye to it for good. But Lup was hesitating. Taako had known only corrupt and dreadful nobles. Lup had known a rebellion of people fighting for their lives. He watched his sister, hair tousled by the wind, face darkened against the night and the sea, and saw the one thing he could depend on no matter how many years passed apart. Her moral compass shook.

“Fuck it,” Taako finally said. “If you wanna stay, Lup, you can just say so. I’m down.”

Lup’s head snapped towards him. “What?”

“I mean, It’s either in hiding or on the run, right? And only one of those things is going to make me seasick.”

“You’re serious?”

“Have I ever lied to you?”

Lup laughed, pulling Taako into a hug. “Yes, constantly. All the time.  _ Thank you. _ ”

“Yeah, yeah, it’s not like you’re the only thing worth sticking around for.” Taako smiled at Kravitz over Lup’s shoulder. Kravitz smiled back.

Davenport cleared his throat. “Lup?”

Lup spun on her heel and strode forward to stand directly in front of Davenport before speaking with as much of a flourish as she could muster. “ _ Captain  _ Dread Pirate Roberts Sir, may we  _ please _ leave your ship unharmed?”

Davenport rolled his eyes. “Only if you write.”

Lup nodded. “More than merciful, Captain. I hail your compassion.” Lup turned back to mount her horse again, only to fall short. “Okay then, someone might have to carry me back to Merle’s. I think ya girl has maxed out her stamina for the day.”

“I’ve got ya,” Barry said, helping her back onto her horse. “We’ve gotta get Magnus there too.”

“Thanks, babe.” Lup smiled.

“And they called me insufferable.” Kravitz muttered, offering a hand to Taako. “Need help up?”

“I appreciate it Krav, but I’m pretty sure Garyl would bite your hand off.”

Kravitz pulled back. “Fair enough.” he said quickly.

It took moments to get everyone on their horses, extra help afforded to Magnus and Lup. Yeah, someone was  _ definitely  _ going to need to fill Taako in on that one. But she seemed well enough, if not grossly smitten with someone who’d once helped kidnap him. Though, looking at Kravitz, Taako didn’t really have room to talk. Huh.

“Thank you,” Lup said again, pulling him out of his thoughts. She kept her horse at a standstill next to his. “We’re going to fix this place. We’re going to win.”

Taako considered the rebellion Lup had found. A foreign noble. A giant damn near bleeding out on his horse. A wizard he was pretty sure was using a  _ bone wand _ and a half dependable medicine man that Taako suspected could work miracles by the way they were all acting. He’d seen Lup make things work with less.

“No doubt,” Taako agreed, and they rode back into Phandalin.

-

Lucretia sat heavily at her desk, breathing a sigh of relief at finally being back in her office. The wedding party alone had left her exhausted beyond belief, not to mention...everything else.

A runaway groom, a dead governor, a weakened prince. The night was engaging from all sides, could be twisted to serve either narrative. But done right, (done  _ quickly _ , less reliable news sources would be ready to publish their versions by tomorrow morning) this could be the greatest service to the revolution she could ever accomplish. 

Lucretia said up straight, pulling out her manuscript parchment and inking her pen. She slid her journal to the forefront, scanning the pages. It was a good thing she took such diligent notes. And that she was such a damn quick writer.

It was going to be a long night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAHHH THANK YOU AGAIN TO EVERYONE WHO MADE IT TO THE END!!! I’ll probably be too busy to start a new project any time soon, but I’m glad I was able to get this out into the world <3 <3 <3.

**Author's Note:**

> P.S. Yes The Title Is Relevant You Just Don't Know Why Yet I Am Very Good At Naming Things.


End file.
